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Crimes against the sexual inviolability of minors. Memo on the prevention of crimes against the life, health, sexual inviolability of children Sexual inviolability of the child

District Research Conference

students and students "Start in science"

The child's right to physical integrity

Yamalo-Nenets Autonomous Okrug

Nadymsky district

Pangody

Osipenkova Anastasia Igorevna,

"Average comprehensive school No. 1 p. Pangody ", 8 a class

supervisor

Arsaeva Elena Anatolievna,

classroom teacher,

municipal educational institution

"Secondary school No. 1 of the village of Pangody."

2013

Page content

Introduction3

4

1.1 The concept of physical violence.4

1.2 Causes and types of child abuse

1.3. Consequences of child abuse 4

domestic and school abuse 6

2.1 Research methodology 6

2.3 Possible measures to prevent violence against children 7

Conclusion 8

References 10

Introduction

This work is a study on the problem of physical abuse of a child. The relevance of the topic lies in the fact that at present there are many examples of child abuse, both at school and at home, and there are practically no measures to overcome the consequences of child abuse.

Children have the right to live, express their opinion, freely choose their path and believe in their own purpose and uniqueness. Children also have the right to safe life without damage to health, without exploitation or neglect, to protection from cruelty, neglect and unfair treatment.

The problem of cruelty is becoming rampant. In our country, about 2 million children under the age of 14 are beaten in the family every year. Of course, this is not about the fact that the child was slapped on the back with a belt. The statistics record precisely the brutal, unjustified, systematic beatings. Every year, 2,000 children die at the hands of their parents, and the same number commit suicide.

Fear, uncertainty, accumulated feeling of humiliation give rise to aggression. Physical or moral violence violates the cultural pattern "parent-child", "teacher-student", "child-child". In a society where there is no respect for the individual, additional ground for domestic violence opens up.

The study is built from several stages: the study of psychological and pedagogical literature; legal documents that reveal the problem; the consequences of ill-treatment in the family, at school, in society are shown, the factors of ill-treatment are identified. Our task is to find possible measures to prevent child abuse.

Goal: Overcoming the growing factors of cruelty to children.

Tasks:

Object of study: Child.

Subject of study: the relationship of the child in the family and school.

Research methods: Questioning, interviewing, interview, analysis, study of information sources, testing.

Chapter 1. Theoretical basis child abuse

    1. The concept of physical violence.

Physical abuse is a type of attitude towards a child when he is deliberately placed in a physically and mentally vulnerable position, when he is intentionally inflicted with bodily harm or the possibility of inflicting it is not prevented.

Violence often turns out to be not only the rude and obviously traumatic use of force in relation to a child, but also many of the usual "traditional" forms of punishment and influence on children.

In Russian, the termviolence usually refers to specific actions (“beat”, “rape”) and does not take into account the whole variety of actions (or inaction) on the part of adults that harm the child. Children who have experienced violence feel different from others, unworthy of love, bad, useless, they experience uncertainty in their strengths and abilities, powerlessness and helplessness (the position of the victim). Child victims of violence, as a rule, are afraid of other people, especially adults, consider them dangerous, hostile and deny the very possibility of turning to them for help. They violate the boundaries of personal space. They become either unnecessarily rigid, or, conversely, fuzzy, confused. We also note that all the activity of such a child is aimed at his own protection.

The World Health Organization and the United Nations define child abuse as “the intentional use of power, the use of force or the threat of force against a child by one or more persons, which results or is likely to result in harm to health, life, development or the dignity of the child.

A child who has experienced physical violence, observing the behavior of an aggressive parent, develops an aggressive model of behavior. However, if he has learned to suppress and deny his feelings for the abuser, this can lead to depression and provoke self-destructive behavior, since expressing anger towards the abuser is either too dangerous or ineffective. Therefore, the child's anger turns inward, against himself, causing depression and self-hatred.

Victims of physical abuse feel unpopular, unhappy, disobedient, they believe that others are better than them. If a child brought up in normal conditions internally and externally protests against unfair punishment, then a child who is physically abused often believes that the punishment is just. The lack of positive experiences to draw on contributes to the formation of low or unstable self-esteem, which is even more aggravated with the slightest setbacks.

1.2 Causes and types of child abuse.

Violence against a child at school and in the family is the most acute problem, because of which millions of children's souls and destinies are crippled every year.

A significant proportion of cases of child abuse unfortunately occur within families. This violence is the most hidden and difficult to detect.

Children often suffer in their own families from abuse, which is understood as the intentional infliction of physical or mental violence in the form of beating, bullying, deprivation of food or clothing, insults, humiliation of human dignity, infringement of sexual integrity, murder, driving to suicide.

The reasons for the cruel behavior of parents are: socio-economic factors (unemployment, poor living conditions, material insecurity, which lead to stress and further to abuse of household members), psychological factors (personal characteristics of the parents or the child, mental illness, alcoholism, addiction, negative personal experience parents experienced in childhood, lack of pedagogical knowledge). Unwanted, sickly or hyperactive children are more likely to be victims of family violence. "Parents who exhibit child abuse are more likely to be emotionally disturbed or under emotional stress."

Signs of the behavior of children who have experienced domestic violence or are in a situation of abandonment may include the following:

    Multiple injuries of a specific nature (fingerprints, belt prints, cigarette burns) and varying degrees of prescription (fresh and healing)

    Frequent complaints of pain in the absence of obvious damage.

    Violent and aggressive behavior or, on the contrary, isolation, timidity, fear of adults.

    Signs of physical and mental neglect: constant hunger, untidy appearance, emotional disorders, learning difficulties, passivity in relationships with peers, signs of lack of medical care.

    Poor class attendance, systematic non-preparation of homework, constant fatigue and sleepiness.

    Unwillingness to go home, lack of search for protection from parents at critical moments for themselves.

    Prolonged depressed state high level anxiety.

    Inclination to solitude, problems of socialization, etc.

Until recently, violence against students in schools was considered normal. Now it is strictly prohibited by law, and it provides for liability up to criminal. However, until now, according to the All-Russian organization "Right of the Child", about 20% of children in educational institutions are subjected to violence by teachers or educators.

The consequences of physical and emotional abuse in an educational institution can be extremely dangerous for the formation of a child's personality - up to the tragically famous cases of suicide. The scale and severity of this problem is such that it has become a matter of concern international organizations, up to the UN, as well as the Russian government.

Psychologists identify a number of signs by which it is possible to determine that a child is being abused at school:

    Desire, intention of the aggressor to cause pain or harm;

    Immediate motives for action underlying physical or mental violence (for example, self-defense is not violence);

    Power imbalance;

    Repeated actions (harassment);

    Unjustified use of force;

    The obvious satisfaction of the aggressor;

    Obvious depression on the part of the victim.

Children who are victims of persecution at school experience constant stress, anxiety, tension, they feel isolated, lose self-confidence, various diseases may develop, and academic performance may decrease. A student - a victim of violence cannot learn, he is possessed by strong negative emotions, he is not able to concentrate and remember. The task of the teacher in this case is to understand that the child's behavior is the result of violence and take appropriate measures: talk with the student, together with the school administration, think over measures to prevent violence.

School violence contributes to:

Not every child, due to his characteristics, is suitable for a big noisy school. Some children feel and behave better in small classes, being in a calm group.

Congestion curriculum, a noisy atmosphere can negatively affect hyperactive children with an unstable nervous system, turn them on and excite them.

In a large school community, greater anonymity also predisposes to violence, i.e., a lower probability of detecting an act of violence and limiting it, due to the fact that it is difficult for a teacher to “reach” everyone, delve into his problems, etc.

Bad microclimate in the teaching staff.

Indifferent and indifferent attitude. Overworked teachers often do not intervene in children's fights.

Traditionally, there are four general categories of child abuse: 1) physical abuse,

2) sexual violence,

3) neglect of the needs of the child,

4) emotional abuse.

In turn, each of these categories includes a number of behavioral manifestations.

Physical abuse is the infliction of physical injuries and bodily harm on a child, the use of cruel physical punishment.

Sexual abuse is the involvement of immature children and adolescents in sexual activities that they are not fully aware of, for which they cannot give informed consent, or that violate social (social) taboos on family roles.

The neglect of the needs and needs of the child or the lack of care for him is when the parents or persons replacing them do not provide the child with food, shelter, clothing, hygienic conditions corresponding to his needs, which is harmful to the psychological or physical health of the child. Child neglect is not always caused by poverty. In many poor families, children who lack good clothes and food nevertheless feel loved and protected.

Emotional or psychological abuse includes constant rejection, humiliation, locking the child in a dark room, threats and intimidation. Children who are subjected to emotional abuse feel unnecessary, bad, stupid, worthless, often have low self-esteem, and experience a sense of their own inadequacy.

In real practice, separate categories of violence are rarely encountered, usually children experience several of its types at the same time.

1.3. Consequences of child abuse

The consequences of school violence are very sad, it has a direct and indirect effect on children.

Firstly, prolonged school bullying affects the child's own "I". Self-esteem drops, he feels hounded. Such a child in the future tries to avoid relationships with other people. Often the opposite happens - other children avoid friendship with victims of violence, because they are afraid that they themselves will become victims, following the old teacher's logic: "What your friend is, so are you." As a result, forming friendships can be a problem for the victim, and rejection at school is often extrapolated to other areas of social relationships. Such a child can continue to live according to the “loser program”.

Secondly, falling into the role of a victim is the cause of low status in the group, problems in learning and behavior. These children are at high risk of developing neuropsychiatric and behavioral disorders. Victims of school violence are more likely to have neurotic disorders, depression, sleep and appetite disorders, and in the worst case, post-traumatic syndrome may develop.

Thirdly, in adolescents, school violence causes disturbances in the development of identity. Prolonged stress gives rise to a feeling of hopelessness and hopelessness, which, in turn, is fertile ground for thoughts of suicide. The following real case study illustrates the complexities of diagnosis, intervention, and the consequences of school violence. He is instructive in every way. Unfortunately, this is far from the only case, and I can assure you that at present, almost every school has its own Elena Alexandrovna, and sometimes more than one, which uses such “pedagogical methods” and “techniques”. Behind every such situation is a childhood tragedy, the consequences of which, including long-term ones, are so traumatic and unpredictable that they leave an imprint on the formation of the personality and on the mental health of the child. All the events described are genuine, only the names of the affected children have been changed.

Chapter 2

domestic and school abuse

2.1 Research methodology

The main purpose of the diagnostic direction is to identify children who have been abused in the family and school. Based on the studied scientific and methodological literature on this issue, we assumed that those children whose rights are violated in the family and school usually have certain adaptation difficulties: learning difficulties, aggression, difficulties in interacting with peers and adults, and etc.

At the first stage of diagnostics, the main method is an expert assessment. Class teachers of grades 5-8 acted as experts, who answered in a free form the question of which children from their class have the following problems in adaptation: learning difficulties, disorganization, aggression, imbalance, self-doubt, difficulties in relationships with peers and adults.

At the second stage, a questionnaire and the Bass-Darki questionnaire are used (Appendix No. 1). The questionnaire includes not only those methods of influence that relate to the violation of the rights of the child, but also those that are not a violation of the rights of the child. This is done, first of all, in order to disguise the issue of the use of physical punishment among more socially acceptable and even desirable methods of influence.

Among students of 5-8 grades (81 people) and their parents, a survey was conducted to determine the attitude of children to violence in the family, in society and to identify emotional state children (Appendix No. 2).

2.2 Analysis of the results

At the first stage of our practical work A survey was conducted among class teachers of grades 5-8. They tried to assess the behavior of students who have certain problems at school. As indicators, we took the following problems: learning difficulties, disorganization, verbal and physical aggression, imbalance, self-doubt, and relationship difficulties.

90% of teachers singled out such an indicator as disorganization, 70% - self-doubt, 60% - difficulties in relationships. The main indicator for us was verbal aggression and physical aggression. Obvious physical aggression towards classmates is shown by 20% of the respondents, mostly boys of the 5th grade. Verbal aggression is manifested in 30% of children.

At the second stage, a survey was conducted among the students of the Municipal Educational Institution "Secondary School No. 1 in Pangody" to determine the emotional state of children (questionnaire No. 1, see Appendix 2). As a result of the analysis of the data obtained, the following conclusions can be drawn:

Most students experience fear (56%), which means that violence has either been shown against them, or is still being shown. 25% of students have confidence in people, which means, most likely, these students have never been subjected to violence and humiliation, they trust adults and peers. 19% of students are careful in dealing with people different ages and gender, they look closely, evaluate, there are doubts about who is a friend, who can cause harm.

56% of students are afraid

25% of students show trust

19% of students are cautious

Analysis of questionnaire No. 2 (see Appendix 2) showed that 23% of students have experienced violence against themselves at least once, 77% of respondents deny the fact of violence. Regarding question 6 (where do you think you might encounter violence against yourself?), 47% answered - on the street, 29% - in the family and 24% - at school.

The survey was also conducted among the parents of schoolchildren (see Appendix 2).

The main focus of the questionnaire was on identifying possible violence against their child. Most parents pay serious attention to the problems of the child, conduct a systematic conversation about the prevention of violence at school and on the street. Together they watch programs that raise the problematic issue of physical abuse of a child. 65% of parents said they know well the companies that include their son or daughter, but only 35% of respondents are calm about their child. Most parents sometimes do not even know with whom they communicate and where their beloved “child” spends time.

A survey was also conducted among parents about the methods of education in the family. 45% of parents use the method of order and command, which in adolescence is fraught with consequences. A teenage child is a person who requires an adult attitude towards her, independence, and parents order. 10% use the threat, which is also unacceptable when applied to children. Physical violence was indicated by 3% of respondents. 10% of parents use the method of criticism. Only 2% analyze behavior, and this is so necessary in adolescence. A small percentage of consolation - 2%.

We can draw conclusions about the low awareness of children and their parents on the problem, poor knowledge of the legal culture.

The most interesting are the results of the Bass-Darky questionnaire, since the questions are veiled here, which makes it the most objective. It is used to clarify the data of the survey, namely, to identify those parents and those students who have expressed aggression. From the questionnaire, only those scales were selected that can be used to assess how aggressive parents are. This is:

Scale 1. Physical aggression.

Scale 2. Indirect aggression

Scale 3. Irritation. Scale

Scale 7. Verbal aggression.

We got the following data:

Physical aggression is manifested among boys - in 55.5%, girls - 33%;

Indirect aggression in boys - 0.3%, in girls - 29%;

Irritation: boys - 22%, girls - 28%;

Verbal aggression: boys - 22.2%, girls - 10%.

So, as we can see, more than half of the boys surveyed have a manifestation of physical aggression towards people, but the percentage of aggression among girls is not small - 33%. Irritation is subject to almost equal degrees, but indirect aggression among girls is much higher, it is they who are the main peddlers of gossip, lovers of slander behind their backs. The percentage of verbal aggression, on the contrary, is higher in boys, verbal aggression towards girls is most often manifested, since it is impossible to hit a girl, they begin to use verbal abuse and humiliation.

In order to reduce the aggressiveness of the child to each other, as well as aggression towards children by parents and other adults, it is necessary to take preventive measures.

2.3. Possible measures to prevent violence against children

1. We need a clear coordinated action plan in an educational institution.

2. Strengthening the education of moral and ethical qualities.

3. Education of emotional balance, to resist various external situations.

4. Through the efforts of school psychologists, social pedagogues, teachers, medical workers, class teachers, conducts a comprehensive examination of both registered adolescents and their families.

5. Expansion of work on the study of the rights of the child (raids in the family, legal marathons, legal knowledge clubs, disputes, trainings with parents).

6. Close interaction with the family. Educational work with parents. Working with disadvantaged families. Cooperation.

7. Work with the commission on juvenile affairs.

8. Development of self-government.

9. Social protection in childhood and young age.

10. Propaganda healthy lifestyle life.

Offered to parents possible ways way out of difficult life situations.

    Discuss with your teenager how various services can help in a life-threatening situation.

    Speak to him the phone numbers that he should use in a life-threatening situation.

    Give him your work phone numbers, as well as the phone numbers of people you trust.

    Cultivate in your child the habit of telling you not only about your achievements, but also about anxieties, doubts, fears.

    Every difficult situation do not disregard analyze with him.

    Discuss with your child examples of resourcefulness and courage of people who managed to get out of a difficult life situation.

    Do not make fun of the child if in some situation he turned out to be physically and mentally weak. Help him and support him, indicate possible ways to solve the problem.

    If the problems are related only to the fact that your child is physically weak, write him down in the section and take an interest in his progress.

    If any of your acquaintances and friends causes you concern regarding your child, check your doubts and communicate more with this person.

    Do not be late in answering your child's questions on various physiological problems, otherwise they may be answered by other people.

    Try to make sure that the child early childhood showed responsibility for his actions and for making decisions.

    Teach your child to foresee the consequences of his actions, formulate in him the need to raise a question like: “What will happen if ...?”

    If your child has been sexually abused, don't see yourself as if he did something terrible that made his life impossible.

    Do not discuss what happened in front of the child, especially with strangers and strangers.

    Do not form a guilt complex in your child for what happened.

    Do not allow other people to express sympathy and pity to your child. This forms the acceptance of the installation that he is not like everyone else.

    Give your child the opportunity to talk through the guilt complex with you, the most difficult situation to the end and without a trace. This will help him get rid of the burden of guilt, responsibility.

    If this is necessary, go through a course of psychological rehabilitation with him.

    Try to shift the attention of the child from the situation he experienced to new activities or hobbies.

    Do not leave unresolved problems related to the preservation of the physical and mental health of your child.

    Don't compromise your conscience, even if it's your child.

Years later, a compromise can turn against you.

As soon as security is violated, and obstacles arise in the way of development, the child develops an evil will. For the strong, it is expressed in aggressiveness, for the weak, but smart - in cunning, resourcefulness; for the weak and stupid - in deceit and meanness. For some, defense turns into aggression against the world, for others - into aggression against themselves, and they become weak, inactive, lazy people.

Conclusion

During research work We have set and achieved the main tasks:

    Reveal the essence of the basic concepts of the topic

    Consider the causes of child abuse

    Show the consequences of abuse in the family and school;

    Identify factors of abuse in the family and school;

    Point out possible measures to prevent child abuse.

We found out that physical abuse is a kind of attitude towards a child when they intentionally inflict bodily harm on him or do not prevent the possibility of inflicting it.Violence often turns out to be not only rude use, but also many of the usual "traditional" forms of punishment and influence on children.

The main causes of child abuse are: socio-economic factors, psychological factors. Unwanted, sickly or hyperactive children are more likely to be victims of family violence.

School violence is facilitated by: overloaded curriculum, noisy atmosphere; in a large school community, greater anonymity also predisposes to violence; poor microclimate in the teaching staff; indifferent and indifferent attitude.

Prolonged school bullying affects the child's own "I". Self-esteem drops, he feels hounded. Such a child in the future tries to avoid relationships with other people. Getting into the role of a victim is the cause of low status in the group, problems in learning and behavior. These children are at high risk of developing neuropsychiatric and behavioral disorders. In adolescents, school violence causes disturbances in the development of identity. Prolonged stress creates feelings of hopelessness and hopelessness.

Our study revealed the use of physical violence against children by other students in grades 5-8. Boys are more likely to use physical violence, and girls are more likely to use indirect violence. 23% of students have experienced violence against themselves at least once, 77% of respondents deny the fact of violence. More often, as children say, violence can be encountered on the street - 47%, then already 29% - in the family and 24% - at school.

The result of our work was the development preventive measures on the prevention of violence against children.

Bibliography

    Alekseeva I.A., Novoselsky I.G. Child abuse. Causes. Effects. Help. – M.: Genesis, 2005.

    Vasilkova Yu.V., Vasilkova T.A. Social Pedagogy. - M., 1999.

    Independent information and analytics. - No. 92 of 12.08.2006, p.14

    Psychology of a teenager / Ed. A.A. Rean. - St. Petersburg: "Prime-EUROZNAK", 2003.

Application No. 1

Bassa-Darky Questionnaire

Instructions: Here is a list of statements that you may agree or disagree with. Read them carefully and answer, please, whether you agree with them or not. If you agree with the statement, mark the answer "yes" on a separate form opposite the number of this statement. If you disagree with a statement, mark the answer “no” on the form. There are no right or wrong answers here, it is important for us to know exactly your opinion.

1. At times, I can't handle the urge to harm others.

2. Sometimes I gossip about people I don't like.

3. I get easily irritated but calm down quickly.

4. If I disapprove of my friends' behavior, I let them feel it.

5. It seems to me that I am not capable of hitting a person.

6. I never get irritated enough to throw things.

7. I am always indulgent to other people's shortcomings.

8. I often disagree with people.

9. If someone hits me first, I will not answer him.

10. When I get irritated, I slam doors.

11. I am much more irritable than it seems.

12. I can't resist arguing if people don't agree with me.

13. Someone who insults me and my family asks for a fight

14. I am not capable of rude jokes.

15. I am furious when I am mocked.

16. I demand that people respect me.

17 People who constantly harass you are worth getting punched in the nose.

18. I am never gloomy with anger.

19. If they treat me worse than I deserve, I don't get upset.

20. Even if I'm angry, I don't use strong language.

21. I rarely fight back, even if someone hits me.

22. When it doesn't work out my way, I sometimes get offended.

23. Sometimes people annoy me just by their presence.

24. If someone annoys me, I am ready to say everything that I think about him. 25. If I get angry, I can hit someone.

26. Since childhood, I have never shown outbursts of anger.

27. I often feel like a powder keg about to explode.

28. When someone yells at me, I start yelling back.

29. I fight no less often and no more often than others.

30. I can remember cases when I was so angry that I grabbed a thing that came under my arm and broke it.

31. Sometimes I feel ready to start a fight first.

32. I swear only out of anger.

33. If I need to use physical force to protect my rights, I use it.

34. Sometimes I express my anger by banging my fist on the table.

35. I am rude to people I don't like.

36. I do not know how to put a person in his place, even if he deserves it.

37. I know people who are able to bring me to a fight.

38. I don't get upset over little things.

39. It rarely occurs to me that people are trying to anger or insult me.

40. I often only threaten people, although I am not going to carry out threats.

41. Recently I have become a bore.

43. Usually I try to hide my bad attitude towards people.

44. I'd rather agree with someone than argue.

Keys to the Bassa-Darky Questionnaire

Scale

Questions

Norms

1. Physical aggression

Yes-1, no-0: 1, 13. 16, 21.25,29,33,37. No-1, yes-0: 5.9.

5-7

2. Indirect aggression

Yes 1, no - 0:2, 6, 10, 18.22, 30, 34. No-1. yes-0:14, 26.

4-7

3. Irritation

Yes-1, no- 0:3, 11, 15, 23.27.31, 35.41. No-1, yes-0: 7, 19, 38.

5-8

7. Verbal aggression

Yes-1, no-0: 4, 8, 12.16, 24, 28, 32.40.42.

6-10

No-1, yes-0: 17, 36,43,44.

Data processing.

Initially, for the answers "yes" and "no" to each question, in accordance with the key, 1 or 0 points are awarded. Then the scores for questions related to the same scale are summed up. Thus, we get scores on all 4 scales for each subject.

Then the scores obtained are compared with the test norms. If the parent's score on the scale is equal to the borderline value of the norm or higher than this value, it means that the corresponding quality is highly expressed in him.

If the subject's score on the scale is equal to the lower value of the norm or below it, then the corresponding quality is weakly expressed in him.

When processing the answers obtained using the Bassa-Darkey questionnaire, it is important for us to identify those subjects whose test score on at least one scale of the Bassa-Darkey questionnaire is at the upper limit of the test score.

norm or above it. Comparing the scores obtained on each scale with the test norms, we identify these parents.

Application No. 2

CHILDREN QUESTIONNAIRE No. 1

A. If you were left alone in the apartment and someone rang at your door, what would you do?

1. Open the door

2. Ask for the name of the person standing outside the door

3. You will not respond, imitating that no one is at home

4. Call neighbors or parents on the phone

B. If you are alone at home and people call at your door, calling themselves specialists of various services, asking you to open the door, what will you do?

1. Open the door

2. You will pretend that there is no one in the house

3. Call your parents or people you know

4. Start screaming and making noise

Q. If you hear that someone is opening the door to your apartment, what will you do?

1. You will wait for the one who will enter it

2. Ask who is there

3. Tell your parents

D. If a stranger approaches you on the street, what will you do?

1. Enter into a conversation with him

2. Silently step aside

Z. You will go where there are people

4. Make noise to get attention strangers

E. If strangers come up to you in the yard and invite you to go somewhere with them, what will you do?

1. Accept their offer

2. Refuse them

Z. Contact your parents and ask them

4. Promise you will meet them another time

G. If you want to enter the entrance and one or more people are following you, what will you do?

1. You will not go to the entrance

2. You will wait for acquaintances or neighbors and then you will enter the entrance

Z. Walk past your house and go where there are more people.

Z. If you enter the entrance and see one or more people you do not know, what will you do?

1. You will immediately leave the entrance

2. Walk calmly up the stairs home

Z. Call any apartment

4. Start calling for help

CHILDREN QUESTIONNAIRE No. 2

1. Do you think it is quite possible to show violence against a person in our time?

2. Have you experienced violence towards yourself?

3. Do you consider it possible to manifest violence towards yourself?

4. Is it possible to prevent violence against oneself?

5. Do your parents talk to you about this topic?

6. Where do you think you might encounter violence against yourself?

PARENT QUESTIONNAIRE

1. Do you talk to your child about being abused?

2. How do you teach your child to prevent and deal with violence against themselves?

3. Does your child know the emergency numbers?

4. Do you comment on anti-violence programs for your child?

5. Do you know how and in what society your child spends his free time? Can he be abused by the people he spends his free time with?

6. Where do you think a teenager might be abused?

Application No. 3

Appendix 4

Annex 5

Analysis of the Bass-Darkey questionnaire

Who, if not a priest, knows how often adult children and their elderly parents complain about each other: what kind of claims do they not express to each other! Who is to blame in these situations and how to overcome them? Archpriest Dmitry Roshchin talks about the conflicts between the generations of children and fathers on the pages of the Vinograd magazine for parents.

By the way we treat our parents now, what problems we have with them, you can see how our society has changed over the past century. Even a hundred - one hundred and fifty years ago it was absolutely impossible to imagine a son who would blame his father for something; or a daughter who would marry without asking her parents' blessing. The authority of the parents was unshakable, the correctness of their words was not discussed. Now, cases of complex and lengthy conflicts between parents and children have become quite common. The reason is quite obvious: the destruction of the patriarchal way of our society, which was based on the Orthodox faith. Who is to blame for this: the revolution, the destruction of the rural community, urbanization - I will not now go into the historical basis of this phenomenon. Let's talk about its consequences: for several generations we have grown up in families where there are no deep spiritual foundations, no hierarchy, no family traditions that would connect young people with the elderly. Fortunately, there are families that have managed to preserve both traditions and way of life, but these are more exceptions than the rule.

If our children see how well we treat their parents, then later they will treat us with the same care.

It is the departure from tradition, from proper upbringing, from obedience in several generations that has led to the fact that parents are now not perceived as a source of wisdom, a storehouse of important and useful information. As soon as children become more or less independent, their parents become useless for them, while they must be household deities for the rest of their days, a kind of prophets for their children. But since the parents themselves did not know God, they did not know how to raise their children in faith and obedience, what values ​​to instill in them. That's why there was such a collapse. Now often the parents themselves do not want to burden adult children with their presence. And children are often burdened by them: they have nothing to learn from them, they have already taught their children everything they could. So everyone is trying to live separately in order to have less conflict. Another thing is that when caring for our elderly parents, we not only pay tribute to them, but also set an example for our children. If our children see how we treat our parents well, then they will treat us with the same care. But for some reason we do not take this into account!

Nobody's perfect!

“Fathers, do not provoke your children” (Col. 3:21)

Can we blame our parents for treating us unfairly? It seems to me that the commandment to honor father and mother can serve as an answer to this question. The very concept of "reverence" does not allow any evaluation. Children should never be the judges of their parents. Is that if we are talking about some egregious crimes, when parents abandon their children, etc. But then these cases fall into the field of some kind of legal relations, then we are not talking about living under the same roof. Just some everyday grievances against parents for not giving something to their children - this, in my opinion, is a meaningless thing. We are all sinful people, and you can not idealize anyone, including your parents.

Are we required to live with our parents? No, they are not required. Today, our living conditions have changed a lot, a lot depends on work, school, etc. Living with your parents is not always convenient, it is possible, and not always necessary. This is very individual: someone lives with their parents and rejoices, while someone has their own family because of this! Another thing is that we must take care of our parents, so that they do not feel abandoned. What does it mean? How to determine the measure of attention that we should give to parents: how many times a day to call, how many times a year to visit? It is clear that there are no clear boundaries here either. But here it would be useful to recall the words of the Apostle Paul, which he addresses to parents: “Fathers, do not provoke your children” (Col. 3:21). It seems to me that this is about parents not demanding more from their children. We make certain demands on children. If children comply with these requirements in some way, then there is no need to try to force them to comply with everything. No need to constantly strive to make children better and better. If we ourselves were perfect, we could demand the same from children, and hardly! Even though our demands are based on love for children, they are annoying, because it seems to children that they have already done enough.

Should parents repent?

At first glance, long-term protracted conflicts between adult children and their elderly parents seem insoluble. But everything is resolved within the Church - through confession, repentance, reconciliation. If we cannot forgive some offenses, we need to confess them. And then, when we say: “Lord, we are offended, this is our pride,” we begin to somehow fight against it. Only on your own it is impossible to get rid of the resentment that your fate, at the behest of your parents, did not turn out the way you would like. If you think that your parents were wrong about something, forget it! Otherwise, you will carry it in yourself until the end of your days, and this will be an occasion for new and new conflicts. As a rule, he who is demanding of himself is indulgent towards others; and vice versa: he who is indulgent of himself makes higher demands on others. We always have something to love for, something to be grateful to our parents for: they gave us life, shelter, education. There are many people who do not have this love. But then they need to try to acquire it! It is for this that church sacraments exist - other mechanisms are unknown to me. I believe in grace, in the Divine transfiguration of man. All of us, according to our faith, receive from the Lord what we ask for. The one who asks the Lord for love receives love that will reconcile us with everything and everything. But if you do nothing to forgive, then you will continue to suffer with your unresolved grievances until the end of your days.

As a rule, those who are demanding of themselves are indulgent towards others, and vice versa.

In Soviet times, the holy fool lived St. Athanasius Saiko, recently canonized by our Church. He approached people on the street and asked: “Well, are the dead sleeping?” People did not understand what he was talking about, and he spoke about those passions that were inside people, but did not manifest themselves at the moment. We can pacify our grievances by an effort of will, but we are unlikely to be able to completely get rid of them. So it turns out that as soon as peace sets in in a relationship, our “dead men” again remind of themselves, giving rise to another conflict. There is such a concept - "spiritual immunity", which weakens without communion, deep confession, prayer.

All of us, according to our faith, receive from the Lord what we ask for.

Another remarkable ascetic of our time said that when a person begins to dig deep into himself without God, he very quickly gets to the bottom of that emptiness of non-existence from which he was created. That's why if you really want to get rid of negative emotions in relation to your parents, you need to not only use some kind of auto-training techniques, but ask the Lord about it.

Returning to the topic of the loss of spiritual ties between generations, it must be said that not many of us came across parents who turned out to be so talented that they realized their mistakes in upbringing, repented before their children and at the same time kept a distance in their repentance. But how much do we need, and most importantly, how useful is parental repentance? If you demand from your father or mother that they repent of something before you, then how perfect you yourself must be so as not to perceive their repentance as your own victory. Otherwise, the words of repentance will turn out to be fertile ground for your pride to take root: “Since you, father, repent, it means that I am better than you, and now it’s not you who will lead me, but I will lead you.”

There is such a rule in spiritual life that if among your spiritual children there are those who have become priests, then you cannot confess to them, so as not to give them a reason to be proud that they have surpassed their spiritual mentors in some way. The Lord wisely hides the sins of parents from children, because when children learn something secret about their parents, especially from themselves, then a revolution begins inside the children! Parents need to think about this before confessing something to their children. Of course, some obvious shortcomings can and should be recognized, but one cannot go further than this, such repentance may turn out to be that Pandora's box that will destroy an already fragile relationship.

Scolding a child (as well as an adult!) - that is, more than resolutely and confidently asserting that he (she):

lazy person.
coward.
dumbass,
freak,
scoundrel,
scoundrel

andetc., etc., up to and including the Source of World Evil, he thereby inspire that's exactly what he is. Let us finally understand the simplest and most terrible. Ohm believes this. After all, they tell him this in order to believe. - Isn't it so? And why else? .. And why do they talk at all?
Words for a child for a very long time mean only what they mean, no more, no less. Any statement, and especially a convinced, brightly emotional one, is perceived literally and unambiguously, no figurative meanings. The adult game “Understand-On the contrary” is not assimilated immediately, but by the subconscious and is never assimilated at all. If a:
no, nothing will ever come of you! you're incorrigible! You are crazy! you are a real traitor, you have one road (to prison, under the fence, to the hospital, damn it mothers), don't be surprised if that's the case! After all, this is the most real direct suggestion, and it works, it still works after many years, even if, it would seem, completely forgotten ... Or;
you don't love me, you're tormenting me on purpose, I'm your worst enemy, you're driving me into a coffin, you want me to go crazy, you want me to die, - if you repeat once, and another. And the third - then you can believe in it, with all the ensuing consequences. And it is not even necessary to be a child for this ... But he (she), of course, doesn't wantbelieve it!.. No, he doesn't want to, he can't!!!
The happiness of the child is that by 80 percent he still simply does not understand the meaning of these words. Happiness is that his soul is so mobile, so resiliently cheerful, so able to use oblivion. But the seeds of the gravest internal discord have already been sown - discord with oneself, a conflict of self-esteem. He is already shocked, broken in the most fragile spiritual basis - in the sense of his own dignity, in the feeling of his Human value.
“Why, it’s like water off a duck’s back, like peas against a wall! Forget in a second! And again for my...”
Not! Not true, criminal blindness. Nothing is forgotten. Never.
Doesn't perceive, all the same, everything is up to the light bulb? Defended. Is he rude in response, does it out of spite, mocks? Defended. Promises to improve, but continues? ..
Defended. defenseless.
What is left for him?
Or - the choice of the weak - to believe. Sooner or later, come to terms with what he hears - in other words, accept the imposed role and behave accordingly.
Either - the choice of the strong - do not believe, do not accept, do not accept, Fight! But how?..
As you like - but not the way you want it, rest assured. Will go to any lengths to prove not to you, what is worth living in this world. And in the best case, it will preserve deep self-doubt and mental inferiority for the rest of your life. And at worst...
Maybe it is this “scoundrel-scoundrel-stupid” that hastily escaped and will turn out to be “the very drop that will overflow the cup in ten years or five minutes later ... And it will be irreparably late.
Respect the law of personal integrity. Let us adopt this simple limitation; scolding a child (and an adult!), expressing his disapproval in any way. Never define him as a human being. Don't touch, don't touch his personality! Determine only actions, only specific actions. Not “you are bad”, but “you did bad”. Not “you are cruel”, but “you acted cruelly”. Not a scoundrel, not a traitor, but only acted, behaved - like.
Give only positive advances. Even if the most evil motives, the blackest motives of the perfect act are undoubted - cowardice, anger, cruelty, revenge, envy, greed, ingratitude - never talk about it. We risk not only making a mistake, but also suggesting in advance something that does not exist, or strengthening what is already there. Not Let us forget that even an adult very often is not aware of the true motives of his actions, that everyone has his own system of self-justification, his own protective inner rightness and inner blindness, which is one and the same. Let him realize his motives himself, if he can, and if he cannot, then our definitions will still not help anything, but only strengthen him in this blindness.
There is one fundamental difference in the approach to a person - an educator and a judge. If a judge is obliged to be impartial and merciless in this impartiality, then the educator will never psychologically make a mistake by deliberately attributing better motives and motives to a child (and an adult!) than they really are. He fights out of revenge and envy - you, firmly establishing and forbidding, at the same time assert that he got excited, flared up, that next time he will try to resist, because he is kind. He stole - you, firmly looking into your eyes, assert that he took it by mistake, by misunderstanding, that he himself wants this to not happen again. He lied, deceived out of cowardice or for the sake of some benefit - you, having discovered a deceit, calmly declare that any lie will be exposed sooner or later, and explain his behavior with thoughtlessness, distrust First of all in yourself. You are sure, it goes without saying for you, that he wants to be truthful, that he is quite capable of always acting openly and honestly. You inspire him it.
Let all this be 99 percent completely wrong! - but by your suggestion and expression of confidence in the best in his nature, you will achieve the best possible.
Be careful with a laugh. A sharp and dangerous weapon. In the hands of a kind and skillful person, it can work miracles, act like a surgical scalpel;
in the hands of the evil and stupid - like a guillotine. Applicable only to children and adults with a healthy psyche and a developed sense of humor, that is, only to those who who can answer same, and only with such is it truly effective.
Not it is also forbidden to apply in relation to those suffering from one or another physical or mental handicap, however, only on condition that this handicap is not touched or only positively touched, with a plus for self-esteem. With heightened self-esteem (transitional age, nature), it can be used only in homeopathic doses and only alone.
ABVGD Rules and the Personal Integrity Law are in full force. It's better to under-joke than to over-joke.
Soft, good-natured banter, a good-natured joke, cheerful irony as a constant background of relationships is one of the best methods of education and re-education for all ages; however, without talent, it is better not to approach him.
indirect disapproval. A very strong, subtle and varied method. Maybe ten times more effective than direct.
One of the options, often used spontaneously, is simple ignoring. Do not make any assessments - put zero. Defiantly do not notice the act. He is waiting for you to be back to your own now ... "The effect of surprise. It cannot be used constantly, but from time to time it can act very strongly.
Clarification: It is one thing not to notice the behavior, and another thing - not to notice the person. Do not play silent and guessing games, do not demonstrate your bad mood in connection with something that the child must guess for himself. It is also unbearable for the psyche of an adult.
To tell about someone who acted as badly as your child, or similar, is to tell him himself or someone in his presence. For little ones, it can be in the form of a fairy tale. At the same time, both increased brilliance and some exaggeration are acceptable - so that everything is clear, and if, moreover, it is funny, then even better! It's not about him, no! - about someone else, but like that ... Even if he doesn’t show it, it will come, good chances ...
Tell, on occasion, about some past act of yours that you now regret - explaining why, but without mentioning the behavior of the child that is meant. One of best practices, for all ages.
Beware of duality. There are moms and dads who are too internally contradictory. (Grandparents, it happens, too.) He scolds "what the light rests on, but in intonations, but in the eyes: you know how I adore you, the only pig, you know that you are my only light in the window, that in the end I will let you...
How would he praise, how would he show attention and care, how would he bov, and in eyes, but in gestures... One hand strokes, the other beats...
Be careful with demonstrative praise of others! This is also indirect disapproval, but not the best.
ironic praise. Starting at age ten, and sometimes even earlier, can be a very good ancillary method of expressing disapproval and save you from having to yell, swear, lecture, etc. for a variety of reasons.
He twisted the cup, finally screwed it up, broke it. - “Well done, always do it. Hit the cups, hit it, it's more convenient to drink from the kettle. And hit the kettle too, smart guy, we'll drink from a bucket. Pick up the pieces." More economical and stronger than: “Well, how many times do I have to tell you!.. What are you doing, such and such… It’s time already…”
It has a particularly strong effect on proud teenagers, while at the same time softening the pain of criticism.
I met yesterday in the yard a bitterly crying boy, about eight years old, - “What's the matter?” - “Mom will scold.” - “For what?” - “Lost the gun. She bought it, but I lost it.” - “What, a good gun?” - “No, not really. For fifty cents. It used to be even worse, for three rubles. I immediately lost it,” “And she scolded you?” - “Yeah. It would be better if I made a wooden one myself ... "
The worst punishment for a child is the expectation of punishment. And not even punishment, but what precedes it: our discontent, our grief, anger, misunderstanding ...
Forgetting about our childhood, that is, ceasing to understand ourselves and the child, we do not realize how many precious minutes and hours, how many months, years, how many lives are poisoned by this expectation, this constantly guarding threat ...
We really punish the child only with our feelings. Isn't it natural that those for whom this punishment is unbearable develop a defense that looks like spiritual dullness, deafness to other people's feelings, no matter how then was it?
The ideal teacher is probably the one who never has to apply punishment, but for this we still need an ideal pupil ... Whether we like it or not, both punishment and encouragement are inevitable, just like the colors of the rainbow enter our communication with a child Let's not forget the words , said long ago and on another occasion: “Everything is poison and everything is medicine. Only the dose makes one or the other.”

"If your children are in danger"
Pedophilia has recently become a serious problem. Therefore, we must take all measures to protect at least our own children.

How to save a child from trouble?

Both a girl and a boy can suffer from a pedophile. The gender of the child does not matter to him of great importance. A pedophile is generally attracted to a body with signs of immaturity. Any child can become a victim, but there are children who fall into the hands of a rapist more often than others.

Oddly enough, these are obedient children, perceiving adults with great reverence. They, as a rule, have strict parents who inspire that “the elders are always right”, “you are still small to have your own opinion”, “the main thing for you is to obey adults”. When a pedophile offers such children to go with him, they cannot refuse him.

Trusting children. A pedophile can offer to look for a runaway kitten together, to play a new computer game at his house.

Closed, abandoned, lonely guys. These are not necessarily the children of homeless people and drunkards. It's just that their parents are busy making money, and there is no warm, frank relationship between them. For an adult who has shown such attention to such a child, he can go anywhere.

Children trying to look like adults. A girl who paints her lips, wears earrings, puts on heels early; a boy with an expensive watch or a prestigious mobile phone is more likely to attract the attention of a pedophile. The offender takes this as a message: I want to experience the same as adults.

Teens with puritanical parents. Instead of helping the child to cope with the awakened sexuality, they condemn and punish him. The "uncle" who helps relieve tension becomes the "best friend."

Children with an interest in thug romance. Endless series about gangsters make the child think that real men are those who are in prison. These guys can look for their own friends from the criminal world.

THIS REMINDER IS INTENDED FOR THOSE WHO:

DOES NOT WANT to have his child become a victim of violent crime.

READY work with law enforcement agencies to seek deserved punishment for violent crimes against children and adolescents.

By following the safety rules, your child will be able to make the right decision in a difficult situation and avoid meeting a criminal.

To do this, the child needs to learn the “Rule of four“ NOT ”

  • DO NOT talk to strangers and do not let them into the house;
  • DO NOT enter the elevator or entrance with strangers;
  • DO NOT get into a car with strangers;
  • DO NOT linger outside after school, especially after dark.

And if a stranger simply asks to show you the right street or bring a bag, take you to the store?

Teach your child to say “NO!” in these cases too.

Explain to the child that in such a situation it is possible to explain how to find the street, and in no case succumb to persuasion to see it off, even if this person calls himself an acquaintance of one of the parents.

In what situations should you always answer “NO!”:

  • If the child is offered to visit or give a ride home, even if this offer comes from neighbors;
  • If a stranger came to school or kindergarten for a child, and you did not warn him about it in advance;
  • If an unfamiliar person came home in your absence, forbid him to let him into the apartment or go somewhere with him;
  • If your child is treated to a new acquaintance, you must refuse the treat.

Teach your child to answer the requests of strangers: "No." Let him memorize a few phrases: “Thank you, but my parents forbid me to visit strangers”, “Sorry, but I won’t go anywhere”, “Get away from me, otherwise I will scream.” Practice with your child by acting out different situations.

Teach your child:

  • Approaching the house, pay attention (look around) if someone is following and, if someone is walking, do not approach the entrance. Take a walk on the street for 15-20 minutes and, if an unfamiliar man continues to follow, tell any adult you meet who comes forward about him.
  • Never enter the entrance with a stranger. It is better to wait for any other adult or enter with any woman.
  • When entering the entrance, be sure to immediately close the door behind you (if there is a combination lock on the doors).
  • If an unfamiliar man is already in the entrance (at the elevator, on the stairs), go outside and wait for one of the adults to enter the entrance. You can not enter the elevator with a stranger. It is better to wait until he leaves or go on foot. In case of danger - shout, knock and ring the doorbell. Explain that in case of danger, it is not only not ashamed to behave this way, but simply necessary!
  • Never enter into conversations with strangers, let alone tell them who is at home (even if the stranger appears as a friend or colleague of the parents, courier, postman, neighbor, etc.). Explain that you can not accept gifts, toys, treats from strangers. And even more so, do not go with a stranger, wherever he calls; don't get in the car with him. If the child is small, it is better to convey this information in the form of a fairy tale: “This will not be an uncle, but Barmaley in disguise. He will hurt you if you go with him." Tell an older child, “An adult can be good, but he can also be bad. You can’t agree with him in everything and believe him!”
  • Do not open the door to the apartment if there are no adults at home (a stranger can ask for water, ask for permission to make a phone call, write a note to parents, hand over documents).
  • All unknown suspicious people must be told to parents, educators and teachers at school!

What you can do yourself:

  • Never leave a small child unattended outside. If your children school age, let them always tell where and with whom they spend time. Forbid the child to walk in dangerous places, to be friends with guys who are prone to vagrancy, to skip school.
  • Install a child-finding program on your phone (some mobile phone companies provide a Baby Care service).
  • Be attentive to single men walking aimlessly near the entrance, along the school yard, near the fence kindergarten. Report this to the police. Sometimes it is enough for the district police officer to check the documents, as the pedophile disappears from the area.
  • The attacker may be driving a car, he parks the car near the school and watches the children. If you notice a suspicious car, write down the number, remember its color, brand, fix in your memory the appearance of the driver or passenger. Report this to the principal of the school, security.
  • Invite the child to return from lessons, circles and sections in the company of classmates, if it is not possible to meet him in person.
  • Install code locks in the entrance, if possible, video surveillance cameras.
  • Check if the attics and basements of the porches are well covered. It is these places that often serve as a place for the commission of crimes.
  • There are cases when a teacher or a coach turned out to be a pedophile. The directors either did not know about it, or simply turned a blind eye. Therefore, do not be lazy, get to know the male teachers, the coach, if the child goes to the sports section, attend the classes.
  • If a child told you that a man pursued him or one of the other children, exposed his genitals, made obscene proposals, immediately contact the police before the children forgot the signs of this person.
  • Build a warm, trusting relationship with your child. It is often those children who are in trouble at home who lack love, affection and understanding.

Homes aren't always safe either.

Teenage girls who begin to interact intensively with peers, visit youth companies and gain the first experience of intimate relationships should be prepared to be considered old enough so that intimate relationships do not stop at innocent kisses.

It must be remembered that most sexual assaults are not committed by primitive strangers with the appearance of a criminal, but by friends, acquaintances and even relatives. Half of the rapes do not take place in a dark alley of a park or an unlit entrance, but at the victim's home or at a party.

Explain to your daughter that when you go to visit a stranger young man or to a party in a large company, you need to remember the following:

In most cases, the very consent of the girl to go to a restaurant is regarded as a sign of consent to further intimacy. The subsequent resistance is perceived simply as a game.

If an uncomfortable feeling arises, do not be shy. It is necessary to leave or firmly declare your attitude to the situation, in general, say a resolute unequivocal “No!”.

From the very beginning, clearly indicate the boundaries of possible relationships. This is main principle protection from rape.

If the harassment continues, there is no need to be afraid of noise or scandal, for example, at a party, a few minutes of embarrassment is better than the risk of rape. In general, it is safe to go to a large company only with reliable friends, not to lose sight of each other and leave together.

  • It is more difficult for a drunk person to navigate the situation and prevent violence. With unfamiliar people and at a big party, you must always remain sober, stay together with loved ones or closer to good friends.

No contact with the "risk group"

The risk group is alcoholics, drunkards, drug addicts, criminals, etc., even if they are neighbors on the porch or distant relatives. According to statistics, about a third of rapist killers have previously been convicted. Protect your child from contact with them!

Children should not wear provocative clothes and expensive jewelry. Often we endanger our children ourselves when we give them gold jewelry or follow the lead of a growing daughter by buying her a miniskirt. Appearance girls can provoke a pedophile to attack. Even if your little daughter's ears are already pierced, it is not necessary to play in the street in expensive earrings. The same applies to school, it is unlikely that rings on the fingers and gold jewelry in the ears help academic performance, but they can attract the attention of a criminal, because your child is easy prey for him.

What to do in cases where violence occurs in the family?

Unfortunately, such cases do occur. According to psychologists, two thirds of cases of violence are committed at home by close relatives of the child, and only one third on the street. Quite often, adults whose child has suffered from violence in their own home try to “not wash dirty linen in public”, fearing excessive attention from others, not wanting to hold accountable rapists, to whom they have kindred and not only kindred feelings. Domestic abusers (fathers, uncles, stepfathers) in most cases go unpunished, because it does not reach the law enforcement authorities. In such cases, the child, without receiving support from relatives who could protect him, lives with this pain all his life. Don't betray your children! Think also about the fact that the person who committed the crime against your child and remained unpunished can do it again. Address your misfortune to law enforcement agencies that can stop the actions of a pedophile.

The most important thing

Each of us adults must understand the main thing for ourselves: in a civilized society, there are no other people's children. For they are all OUR CHILDREN. Our future, our hopes and aspirations. And no one can protect them better than ourselves.

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Child psychologists explain where parents should put a comma in this phrase and why

Children and adolescents have the right to privacy - even when it comes to their relationship with their parents. The latter, even under plausible pretexts, should not, without extreme necessity, interfere in the personal affairs of their children: read letters and SMS messages addressed to them, look through their belongings and records not intended for publication.

Firstly, respect for the rights of another person, even a very young one, is the basis of respect and trust in him, and secondly, every child has secrets that he would not like to share with adults.

Curiosity - fight!

All parents, according to psychologists, suffer from excessive curiosity. By all means they want to be the first to know all the new events in the life of their son or daughter, his thoughts and feelings. In order, in their own mind, to be able to come to the rescue as soon as any danger appears - for example, in the face of bad friends, problems at school, or hobbies for viewing Internet resources that are undesirable for children. Of course, mothers and fathers do not want to deliberately and systematically interfere in the private life of their child, but many of them simply cannot resist not to casually look into the mobile phone of their son or daughter and find out about the content of their correspondence with friends. When cleaning a child's room, it is also often difficult for them not to look at the e-mail page left open on the computer.

“Parents should not justify their actions like this with mere curiosity or some kind of fear,” says Gennady Meikher, chairman of the Moscow Council of School Psychologists. - A diary in the form of a blog, for example, or entries on a closed page in social network are an important means of self-expression for a child, and this tool can be the best assistant for him in gaining peace of mind. A teenager, as a rule, writes about what worries him most, trying in this way to find a way out of a difficult situation. If he can't do it on his own, he will, of course, seek the advice of his elders. However, if the parents decide to intervene first and literally force the child to reveal their secret to them, the problem will only get worse. After all, everyone, regardless of age, has the right to secrets.

Article 16 of the UN Convention on the Rights of the Child states: “No child shall be the object of arbitrary or unlawful interference with his or her right to privacy, family life, the inviolability of the home or the secrecy of correspondence, or an unlawful attack on his honor and reputation.

Psychologists add: "Even if it comes to the intervention of his own parents."

Care and total control are two different things.

There is a very thin line between the right to self-determination of a child and his necessary protection from various negative consequences for the psyche, health or even life. Today, for example, there is an acute question about the harm to the younger generation of some information disseminated by the media or via the Internet. However, taking care of a child must not violate his or her right to privacy. So, at the age of ten, a student can already decide for himself with whom he wants to communicate and be friends, who to call and write messages in the chat, what clothes to wear. Parents should remember to knock on the door before entering their son or daughter's room, and, of course, respect their decision to be alone with their little secrets for a while. If adults have fears that the child may be hiding something dangerous from them, they should take him out as soon as possible. serious conversation, while making it clear that in any case we are ready to morally support and protect him.

It is much easier for moms and dads, whose children are naturally trusting and open to people. Such representatives of the younger generation themselves and with pleasure share their thoughts, feelings, desires and problems with the elders. Difficulties, as a rule, arise with withdrawn teenagers, who are accustomed to relying only on their own strengths. Straight Talk can be obtained only with their own desire, which occurs extremely rarely.

The kid has grown up - “let go” of him!

The right to privacy of a child is determined not only by the trust and respect for him on the part of the parents, but also by the ability of the latter to decide to let their child out of the youngest age go “free swimming”. “Parents who literally spy on every step of no longer small children, in fact, they themselves are not confident in themselves, their strengths, their later life, - says Gennady Meikher. - Of course, no one says that a growing up young man or girl should be left to the mercy of fate and completely abstracted from their life. A teenager can be compared to a seed that has given developing shoots. Parents provided him with a fertile "soil", and now the child himself must look for a way to cultivate his abilities and talents. In addition, as psychologists rightly say, parents can really influence only five to ten percent of everything that happens in a teenager's life.

Take care, but in moderation

Parents need to respect the right of very young children to privacy. This is the key to the successful and harmonious development of the latter. For example, you should not impose on a child a toy that he does not like, or encourage the actions of an annoying neighbor who loves to lisp with babies and pinch their cheeks. The desire to preserve the inviolability of personal space can manifest itself in a little man in the fact that he will cry loudly to ask him to give him the opportunity to just sit quietly or lie down in a crib, without being burdened by the attention of overly caring relatives.

“What I don’t know about, I don’t worry about”

“Sometimes I don’t even want to know what my son is interested in and does,” says Anna Ignatova, mother of a fourteen-year-old eighth grade student. - I know that I can trust my Ilya in everything. Of course, when he sometimes goes for a long walk with a noisy company of his classmates, all sorts of unpleasant thoughts sometimes come into my head. However, I remember how I behaved at his age and how my parents reacted to it. After all, we belong to different generations with different interests, and there is nothing criminal in this.”

Anna tries to talk more often with her son, attends his extracurricular activities, but otherwise lives in accordance with the motto: “I don’t worry about what I don’t know.” The only exception is the Internet. “Of course, my husband and I never spy on Ilya and do not try to find out what he is looking for on the World Wide Web,” my mother explains, “but we talk a lot with him about various “traps” and dangers on the Internet and about the basic rules of correspondence, for example , in chats. We also clearly state how much time he can spend at the computer in order to have time to do his homework and household chores.

direct conversation

It is especially difficult for parents to respect a child's right to privacy when they have real grounds for serious concern. Of course, it is often not difficult to find out secretly the secret of a son or daughter. However, if a mom or dad manages to find a material or informational source of their excitement, it can be very difficult to talk about a find obtained dishonestly with a child. The latter's trust in his parents and the entire system of relationships in the family may be at risk. In this regard, psychologists recommend not starting the game of “scouts”, but immediately informing the child about their concerns.

If, for some reason, a teenager refuses to speak frankly with his relatives, closes in on himself and becomes unsociable, outside help may be needed. Today, almost every school has a psychologist. In addition, there are free hotlines psychological help for kids. The specialists answering the calls guarantee the anonymity of the child who has contacted them. In any case, you should never resort to the age-old rule that said: "Trust is good, but control is even better."