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How to forget something bad. How to erase memories or forget unnecessary information. One frank conversation

There are moments and situations in life that are painful enough to remember. Sometimes years pass after the events, and unpleasant thoughts do not leave a person alone. In this article, you will learn how to forget painful memories of unpleasant situations, erase negativity, clear your memory of trash and unnecessary information.

We have prepared several useful tips and ways to help you leave the heavy burden of the past and take a new step into a clean future. You must realize that these changes are entirely up to you. . How to manage your subconscious and make memory work for you? Read below.

In order to erase unpleasant memories from your memory, first of all you need to answer yourself the following questions:

  • Why do I want to get rid of this thought?
  • How do these memories interfere with my work and personal life?
  • How bad do I feel when I remember this situation or incident?
  • Do I feel guilty about what happened?

Awareness negative impact past experience on real life will help you reinforce the desire to achieve a result - to forget the negative.

1. You need a calm environment and full concentration.

An ideal place where you will feel comfortable and calm. It is desirable that nothing distracts you at this moment. Try to focus on the process. Listen to your breath. Get comfortable. Relax.

2. Choose one specific negative memory that you would like to get rid of.

To forget an unpleasant experience, you first need to choose a specific memory and present it in all colors.

What moment from the past causes you emotional pain? What negative memory has great power to plunge you into apathy? What situation would you like to erase from memory right now?

Remember what you would like to forget as accurately as possible. Pay attention to every little detail from the memory:

  1. environment - where (in what place) everything happens;
  2. approximate time of day;
  3. participants in the event - the people with whom the memory is associated;
  4. appearance of each participant, mood, weather;
  5. dialogues, specific remarks of each, intonation and timbre of the voice;
  6. music, sounds from the environment;
  7. Your feelings at the moment of what is happening;
  8. feelings associated with the situation.

3. Next step: identify specific details to forget.

If an unpleasant experience is associated with a specific person, then forgetting it and permanently erasing the associated memories is hardly possible. However, you can erase details associated with that person, such as the smell of perfume, favorite place spending time together, a dish or the dominant color of clothing, hobbies, and so on.

It is necessary to write out such details on a piece of paper as extensively as possible.

4. Combine business with pleasure.

The next step in working on a negative memory is to move the negative into the process of doing what you love. How it works? Thinking about the details we identified in the previous point, do something enjoyable.

The main goal of the method: make the mind associate the memory with positive emotions and impressions.

How to do it: think about the discomfort of a past situation when you swim in the pool or listen to relaxing music, remember specific details when you enjoy a good day or relaxing in the country.

This trick compensates for the lack of positivity in the past and helps restore balance.

5. Get rid of the manic goal of forgetting the event.

Surprisingly, we remember the painful memory just until the moment when we let go of the thought: “Lord, help me forget everything.” The analysis and detailing of the past, when we are doing a pleasant thing, teaches us to perceive the same memory in a slightly different way. Don't chase away the past. Accept it. Analyze events and learn useful lessons for yourself.

6. Play with your imagination: imagine destroying a memory.

There are several ways to play with your imagination and actually feel better about yourself. These techniques make the negative memory less important. The past ceases to influence your life and is perceived as a fact: what was - passed, flew by, burned out, evaporated.

Imagine a small picture

Take a screenshot of a negative memory in your mind. Alternately zoom in and out of the image; add more brightness and then make the picture black and white. What do you feel at the moment of changing the brightness and size? Now zoom in to the maximum and sharply make it microscopic - too small to see.

Imagine a memory as a photograph

Do whatever you want with this photo: tear it into small pieces, crush it and throw it in the trash, paint over it with your favorite color, cut it with scissors, trample on it with your feet, erase the image with a special solution.

Set the picture on fire

Set the same imaginary photograph on fire with a lighter or throw it into a huge blazing fire. Memory is ashes. This event is long gone. You are not dependent on the past, you are not your past. Burn the negativity and warm yourself near the fire.

7. Become your own best friend.

Imagine yourself as a small child. Remember your childhood. Sit your little one in front of you and say: “From now on, no one will offend you. I will always be with you, I will protect you, you can rely on me. You must understand that you are your own best friend and worst enemy. Change your attitude towards yourself, and then in life a lot will change in better side.

8. Keep Busy: Dale Carnegie's Golden Rule.

The old truth about a person's employment, which can cure all diseases, really helps.

Getting rid of negativity and unpleasant memories is not so difficult. When you do what you love, develop yourself, read a lot, improve yourself, travel, attend interesting lectures, concerts, performances, go in for sports and meet close friends over a cup of coffee, there is simply no time for despondency.

Accustom yourself to an active lifestyle and a busy schedule. Then your thoughts will consist of the most important upcoming events, vivid impressions, plans for a future vacation, favorite books and songs.

Seek a Professional: Free Yourself of Negativity with the Help of a Professional

Elena Kalachikova- a professional memory development trainer, head of the Shaleny Ravlik school, a teacher of the highest category with sixteen years of experience. Elena works with children from 5 years old, schoolchildren, students, adults, foreigners and people of retirement age. The coach claims that he knows everything about memory and can easily teach not only to remember the necessary information, but also to forget the negative experience.

Elena guarantees the forgetting of negative information with the help of the image of water, gum or fire, and also uses the method of repeatedly pronouncing an unpleasant situation. We will be glad to see you at the Shaleniy Ravlik school. There is strength in everyone!

It's not just your life that has had so much negativity. Most people have terrible memories that need to be released for a second and they will gobble them up. Therefore, let's talk about how to forget bad memories. By the way, if you can do it will change for the better your psychological condition, which means that the present will be a little better.

Is a psychotherapist needed?

Sometimes they just sit and say yes, shaking their heads. The same thing happens when communicating with friends: a friend sits and agrees, it all comes down to grinding a terrible past and tearing old wounds. So, we do not need such a psychotherapist. But a more sensible one is quite suitable, but only on the condition that you will work together.

Both cognitive therapy and body-oriented therapy can help. But pretty effective way from a psychotherapist who suggested to the author how to get rid of bad memories (well, or part of them) in a week. We just start a notebook (possibly with an ugly picture) and for a whole week we write down all the bad memories of childhood with youth, as well as maturity.

We are not shy and pour everything. The second option is from Lissy Moussa's simoron: we write down all the muck on small pieces of paper, and everywhere, even at work, even in a trolleybus. Also spend a week on this. And on Saturday we string everything on a thread and wear it on our belt like a tail. There is only one result: both the tail and the notebook must be burned on Sunday evening and the ashes scattered. After walking from that place with a quick step and not looking back.

If this is labor-intensive and unpleasant for you, just shout out and speak out, even to an assenting friend who is ready to grind this negativity for the umpteenth time. The next thing to do is to extract a spoonful of honey from all this and understand what was the use of all this evil. Well, now you can get rid of this rubbish of negative memories.

Forgive

We forgive ourselves and forgive those who have become a source of bad memories. A mature person fully understands that at the time of the wrong act, he probably had no other choice. Like the one who offended him. The only thing you can do here is to forgive. Try to understand what is unacceptable for you (insults, betrayals, humiliation of your neighbor, self-affirmation at someone else's expense, scams) for others may be the norm, because such people were not taught differently and they were not given the same upbringing as you.

And further. If you were once insulted or humiliated, this does not mean that you are bad. Perhaps the person simply asserted himself in this way, or pursued his own goals, upon reaching which you were just something passing.

We take the ball

There is one method on how to forget bad memories for at least a short time. Forever, this method will not get rid of them, but it will definitely not let them take possession of you. So, as soon as something unpleasant pops up in our memory, we pick up the ball and remember the children's game: I know ten names of boys.

We hit the ball against the wall and remember the five names of the boys. We complicate further. Today you saw ten beautiful things and did ten good days. It does not cure, but relieves pain.

And in general, active movements and physical activity can work wonders. Four times a week we do yoga or something from the “reasonable body” category. It takes a little time, but it's distracting. Helps in the first time after a flurry of negative emotions.

Getting rid of things

How to get rid of bad memories if everything around “turns on” their button? No way. So, we take out all the things that remind us of betrayed friends in the trash. We also send a photo of the betrayed husband there ... Things should not become a source of negative memories. Much more difficult with phrases and words that provoke.

Inventing an alternate history

In fact, memories can be completely replaced. Moreover, even the most negative memories are sometimes overgrown with unpleasant details that ... did not exist.

So why not replace them with good ones? Or even instead of loneliness, poverty and humiliation from classmates and parents in adolescence, imagine that you were popular, wealthy and loved by your parents.

If, in childhood, a dog attacked you and since then you have been afraid of them, then you can revive in your memory the moment that your older brother or father protected you. And then think about how good it is to be a saved brother or dad. You can also rewrite an unpleasant story from the past and change the course of events so that everything ends happily and joyfully.

Just an exercise

You can lie down on the sofa or sit in the most comfortable chair. The main thing is to be alone and quiet. Watch your breath a little. Try to imagine your memory in some collective way. You don't really need a clear picture - you want something that makes you feel emotions. And now attach the adjustment knobs to this picture: just like on an old TV.

If it's too hard for your imagination, a remote control that can turn off the sound and brightness will do. Now turn this knob or press the button on the remote control. First, we remove the sound to zero. Now, you no longer hear the insults of classmates or the former half. Now we remove the contrast of the memory.

And finally, we remove the brightness. As a result, an unpleasant picture from the past should turn into a silent spot. Do all this as smoothly as possible, slowly destroying memories. You can repeat the exercise when the negative moments again pop up in your memory.

The second option is to place the resulting picture in a room where there are a lot of lamps. And now, slowly but surely, we turn off the lamps one by one: the first, second, tenth ... the image becomes visible worse and worse ... You can also repeat this exercise. Over time, you will realize that the memory no longer hurts so much.

You can also imagine that what hurts you so much is just a dream from the past.

Also, remember that memories are just an imprint from the past. They simply no longer exist, just as there is no past. Were you bullied by kids at school? You can look at the children now passing under your window. Are you afraid? So, there is no past, which means that it is quite possible to get rid of it.

Everyone has experienced things in their lives that they don't want to remember. Numerous betrayals and disappointments, illnesses and deaths of loved ones, a complete collapse in a career, shame and misunderstanding - all this I want to get out of my head and never remember again.

But our brain is designed in such a way that some especially vivid memories, often of a negative nature, remain and constantly remind of themselves. This can have a bad effect on the present and prevent you from moving forward.

In this case, I want to forget the past forever and start thinking about the future. Interestingly, it is impossible to predict which memories will fade over time, and which ones will torment for a long time.

Consciously forgetting the past

To get rid of unpleasant memories, it is first of all important " don't get hung up" On this. The more we try to forget something, the more we think about it. Therefore, in order to get rid of bad memories, you should simply not think about them.

If events are associated with certain people and places, then it is important to change the place of residence and limit communication with certain people. In other words, it is important to protect yourself from everything that may remind you of the troubles that have happened.

If a we are talking about the heavy breakup of lovers, it is important to hide or throw away everything joint photos graphics and gifts. Try not to visit places where spending time together was especially frequent. Do not think that because of this you will have to limit yourself to such things for the rest of your life.

Restrictions are needed only for the first time, while the memories are still reflected by the nagging pain in the chest. Over time, when emotional experiences about this are replaced by indifference, you can safely get hidden things and visit the above public institutions.

When it hurts a lot, we distort memories

How to forget your bad past forever? The answer may be disappointing, but it is impossible. You can completely forget your past life only in the case of amnesia, but this option is unlikely to suit an adequate person. If memories do not let go, it may be worth rethinking them in order to understand what exactly causes resentment and bitterness of disappointment.

But in order not to go deep into a depressive state, it is important to look for positive or neutral moments in these memories, and try to concentrate all possible attention on them. This will allow you to turn unpleasant memories into positive emotions in the future.

Memories are all we have left of the past. The same event two different person can remember up to the opposite. It all depends on the emotions that a person is experiencing at the time of the incident.

And if you constantly remember certain things, distorting them a little, then over time it will seem that the distorted version was actually real. This feature of our brain should be used if you want a certain event to have a positive character in the future.

Coolness as endurance training

How to forget your negative past forever or turn it into a positive future? To solve this issue, you can try to use composure. That is, mentally go through an exciting situation, but see yourself as a third indifferent person. This is the only way to calmly look at it from the outside and try to reduce the negative aspects that are haunting.

If the experiences are so strong that even mental reflection on the current incident causes unbearable pain, then you can safely praise yourself. Forcing yourself to relive the memories is a very important step towards eliminating negativity.

This is a kind of subconscious training to hone willpower and stamina. Over time, you will get tired of grieving with mental experiences, and the brain will push the exciting situation into the background.

Forget unhappy love

All people are capable of experiencing sincere feelings, and many open up to each other in these feelings. Accordingly, any person at least once in his life experienced a sad feeling of betrayal on the part of those people to whom he opened himself.

How to forget the past and such an unhappy love? If the emotions were not strong, then the person is almost immediately distracted by extraneous things in the form of work, hobbies and entertainment. Some even manage to build new relationships right away.

But what to do when the attachment to the betrayer is so strong that there is no desire to move on?

The following steps to remove the "needle" from the heart are more suitable for the female half of the population, although some men can use them:

  • Firstly, for several days you can mope, drown in depression and memories, look at joint photos and pour tears over gifts (girls love to choke toys donated by former boyfriends with bitter hugs - after all, they are not to blame for anything);
  • Secondly, when you get tired of crying about your own worthlessness and uselessness, the time will come for especially persistent self-care. Masks, gels, creams, manicures, pedicures, makeup and hairstyles - all this will remind you who is really the victim of the situation and who urgently needs a comforting hug. But in order to find a willing chosen one, it is important to look accordingly.

Bad past won't leave you alone

It happens that in the past such actions were committed that led to catastrophic consequences in the form of a nervous breakdown, loss of friends or the location of loved ones. Things have already been done, and the past cannot be changed. But how to forget significant mistakes from your past, if they are not left alone for many years?

It is important to reconsider the situation and understand your mistakes so as not to make them in the future. Then you need to try to change yourself, if this is important for the location of loved ones and important people. At the same time, one should not forget about one's own psychological state.

It is not uncommon when, as a result of such mistakes and a subconscious change in oneself for the better, confidence in own forces, and numerous complexes come to replace it.

If in the past there were serious problems in society, then in the future a complex of isolation may remain. This is a common defensive reaction of the body - to protect itself from communication so that there is no risk of repeating the mistake.

Don't beat yourself up too much for what you've done. You need to calmly consider the shortcomings that led to negative consequences and carefully replace them with other traits of behavior. You should not completely refuse to communicate with people, because a person is a social being, and without public relations it will be very difficult.

Summing up

To forget the past, it is important to take the following steps:

  • Do not attach special importance to what happened;
  • Distort memories in a positive way;
  • Calmly mentally relive the situation several times;
  • Pay special attention to your own body and desires;
  • Find mistakes in your behavior and correct them;
  • Don't shut yourself up, but move on!

That's the whole instruction for action. And one last piece of advice. You can't live in the past, because that's how you lose your future. It depends on the steps taken in the present.

A memory is not a one-dimensional thought or idea. This is the sum of impressions from specific events in your past. You remember not a point in time, but a lot of sensual details.

For example, if you try to remember a pleasant day spent on the beach as a child, not only the image of the river will come to mind. You will remember how warm the sand was, the smell of the wind and the taste of ice cream bought at the kiosk across the street.

Any of these sensations can become a trigger. When you buy a sundae, similar in taste to the one from childhood, you will be transported again to a hot day on a river beach.

Thus, memories are inseparable from the context.

2. How to manage memories?

Context is the most important factor for those who want to learn how to manage their memories. After all, with its help you can fix the memory. The wider and brighter the context, the stronger we remember the event.

Let's go back to the memory of a hot day at the beach. It is desirable that you detail, environment, emotions and feelings. Then the context will be formed.

If you remember the light flow of river water, the warm sand of the coast, the hot asphalt of the path next to your umbrella and the creamy taste of ice cream, the memory of this day will remain very vivid and complete for many years. The wider the context, the more varied the experience. It is he who we resurrect in memory when we recall a hot day spent in childhood.

So if we know how to use context to create a memory, can we find a way to erase our memory?

3. How can memories be erased?

The strategy of forgetting might be to allow oneself to forget particular details of the event in order to destroy the memory entirely.

To test this assumption, scientists conducted a study in which two groups of people took part. They had to learn words from two separate lists and look at photos of different landscapes at the same time to create context for the memory.

One group was told to approach the task very carefully: memorize the first list of words and only then move on to the second. The subjects from the second group were asked to first learn the words and then forget them. Then the volunteers had to repeat what they remembered.

The brain activity of the participants in the experiment was studied using functional MRI. It turned out that the subjects who forgot the learned words had a much lower level of activity in the part of the brain that is responsible for image processing. This group of participants simply let the words and images slip through their minds.

When the brain tries to remember words, facts, images, it is constantly working to create context. When the brain tries to forget something, it initially rejects the context and abstracts from it. Therefore, a memory is created with difficulty and does not last long.

If we return to the beach example, we can say this: in order to forget this day, you should specifically try to forget the taste of ice cream and hot sand under your feet.

4. Can I delete a memory completely?

Does this method work always and 100%? Of course not. To say that scientists have discovered a magical way to forget, as in the movie "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind", is impossible. We know too little about the brain and can't erase memories.

Forgetting is very helpful. We can use it to get through a traumatic experience or painful event more easily. Forgetting is necessary to clear the brain of unnecessary information.

In the experiment, participants remembered and forgot simple things: words and pictures. A real memory is dozens of details and sensory impressions, so erasing it is not so easy. But this research is the first step at the beginning of a very intriguing and alluring journey.

It looks like we can figure out how to forget unpleasant and unnecessary things. More importantly, we will learn to remember happy days and moments for life.

You will find a list of them at the bottom of the page.

Sometimes we experience events or situations that we later want to forget or at least not remember. Erase painful, unpleasant and unwanted memories is not so difficult if you fill your life with new emotions and learn to suppress memories from the past. The following instructions will help you get started full life liberated from the heavy burden of memories.

Steps

Repression of memories

  1. Choose the memory you want to forget. Before you suppress a memory, you need to determine which memory is causing you discomfort. Perhaps this memory hurts you emotionally, for example, if it is related to the death of a loved one or a particular moment of separation from a partner, which makes you sad. Remember the following details of the memory:

    • The people who were present
    • Furnishings of remembrance
    • Feelings you are experiencing at that moment
    • Emotional feelings associated with the memory

  2. Determine what is the memory that has had such an impact on you. Remember specific details that you would like to forget.

    • May you not be able to forget about the existence of your ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend but you can forget specific dates, events and sensory memories. Smelling a particular perfume, mentioning a place or a TV show that your partner liked can all provoke unpleasant associations. Write down specific details on a piece of paper.
    • If you experienced certain traumatic events in high school, make a list of people who made fun of your name, specific places that make you sad, or other sensual details such as the smell of the cafeteria, locker room, or gym, for example.

  3. Think about these specific details while doing something enjoyable. You can take classic measures to improve your own physical condition and start associating bad memories with something good. Create a pleasure stimulus by thinking about how you were made fun of in school days, or about the emotional discomfort you felt when you broke up with your loved one, listening to soothing music, taking a bath with scented candles, or drinking champagne and orange juice on your doorstep in summer time.

    • Your task is to make painful memories less bitter. For example, you may refuse to eat pumpkin pie because your parents separated on Thanksgiving, but you can't deal with painful memories unless you learn to associate them with something relaxing, enjoyable, and rewarding.
    • In addition, some experts recommend listening to white noise at high volumes to drown out memories instead of associating them with something pleasant. Turn on a jammed blank radio or other white noise generators and mentally immerse yourself in painful memories.

  4. Erase the memory. Special rituals also help deal with memories. Rituals help change our understanding of things and cope with experiences. Mentally imagine a memorable action that "destroys" the memory. You can think of a particular memory as a snapshot that you set on fire. Imagine this picture in full detail: the edges of the picture curl from the fire and turn black, after which they crumble, and the flame moves towards the middle of the picture until it all turns into ashes.

    • This sounds like a cheap trick, but in fact it is a symbolic action that will help you mentally get rid of the memory if you begin to treat it as something that was, but passed, burned down.
    • Try to present everything in a different way. Imagine a bully making fun of you in the form of a car sinking in a pond, or a freight train falling into a narrow deep gorge.

  5. Go to hypnosis. If you are easily hypnotized, then this tool will help you in the fight against unwanted memories. Hypnosis induces a very relaxed state in which people are more receptive to suggestion. Unfortunately, not everyone can be hypnotized, and even people who are susceptible to hypnosis have only a short-term effect. If you would like to try this remedy, find a professional hypnotist in your area. But be prepared for the fact that this is far from a quick solution to the problem, and you will not be able to permanently erase unpleasant memories from your memory.

    Replacement of memories

    1. Find a fun activity. The simplest and wisest way to get rid of past memories involves experiencing new emotions. Even if you don't do things that are directly related to bad memories, forming new memories will help you put the past out of your mind.

      • Start a new hobby
      • Read a lot of new books and watch a lot of new movies
      • Look for a new job
      • Consider moving to new apartment or in new house

    2. Get rid of "annoying factors". Studies have shown that certain objects or photographs have a stimulating effect on memory. Therefore, it is in your best interest to keep such objects and photographs away, which will help you in the fight against unpleasant memories. To remove objects from view, you need to completely transform your home or even move to another city and start a new life.

      • Throw away your ex-boyfriend's belongings, including photos, clothes, and even furniture. Get rid of the gifts he gave you. Even if you have positive feelings about an object or photo, in your mind they are intertwined with memories that you are trying to forget.

    3. Fill your mind with memories that have a similar effect on you. Research has shown that it is possible to remove memories from memory by replacing them with new ones. Use the opportunity to experience new feelings that are similar to those that you experienced before, but want to forget. Your mind will begin to weave and associate these memories, and you will not be able to remember the past accurately, because you will replace the memories of the past with completely new, albeit similar experiences. For example:

      • If you want to forget that bad trip to San Francisco, try a similar trip. Visit San Jose, Oakland, Palo Alto, Los Angeles or Santa Cruz. Buy new T-shirts, take photos on the beach, and visit new restaurants in these cities to get rid of the memories of San Francisco.
      • If you can't forget your ex-boyfriend's cologne, head to the perfume shop. Smell all men's colognes, filling your mind with new sensations and smells.
      • Go on dates. Connecting with new people will help create new memories and forget the past.
    • To get rid of intrusive thoughts, you need to replace them with other thoughts and start thinking about something else that will help you feel better.
    • Try to close your eyes and start meditating, imagining everything that happened to you from a different angle. For example, if you want to forget a memory in which you felt shame, during meditation you need to imagine that you are in your memory, but behave differently, as you should have behaved at that moment.
    • Meditate while listening to soothing music. Just focus on the memory. It will most likely be difficult for you to remain calm if the memory hurts you, but the most important thing here is to calm down and not get angry. After half an hour or so, you will feel that this memory no longer disturbs you. It doesn't mean anything to you anymore.
    • Listening to audiobooks and actively concentrating on the events described helps in the fight against memories. Choose something unobtrusive, but interesting and able to distract you. This method is simple but very effective.
    • Be patient. Each method will take a certain amount of time and require repeating the process to be successful. Don't get discouraged if you don't succeed the first time, keep trying. If necessary, seek help from a specialist.