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Content

A healthy child is active and cheerful. These are his usual emotional states. The formation of self-awareness and the vicissitudes of everyday life can also cause negative emotions. Many childhood problems will disappear with time, which cannot be said about fear. He grows up with the baby. The more knowledge a child receives about the world around him, the greater the awareness of danger, the range of objects and phenomena of which he is afraid expands.

A fearless child causes much more fear than a cautious one. But the line between a sense of self-preservation and pathological fear is quite thin, so fears interfere with life, causing neurotic disorders. And that is not all. Children's fears can lead to more serious problems: nervous tics, enuresis, bad dream, aggression, refusal to contact with others. Sometimes overwhelming childhood fear indicates serious mental illness: autism and schizophrenia. In this case, only a doctor can help.

In principle, when a baby is afraid, this is quite normal. The fear of fictional monsters, robbers and animals indicates the presence of imagination, the fear of loneliness - that he is used to living in a society of people. The main thing is that such fears do not develop into phobias, then the little one will need help.

Causes

Children's fears arise from different reasons: lack of activity, lack of teamwork and communication skills with other people. All this leads to anxiety for no apparent reason.

Any child is afraid of something, but many parents are not even aware of it. Often, they themselves put fear into the basis of obedience, forcing the child to do something necessary. For example, he does not obey, does not want to collect toys. In such a case, the parents raise their voice, causing fear with a loud sound, use themselves as an example, causing fear, not to conform to their parents. Or cause fear of loss, threatening deprivation, resort to corporal punishment, causing fear of pain, threaten to lock in the dark or give it to a stranger, thereby causing fear of loneliness, darkness, fear of evil people, death.

The mother plays a significant role. Dominant in the family, she is often irritable and restless, can sharply shout or punish, which of course will cause a response.

Fears in children often appear due to excessive parental care. Taking care of the baby’s safety, they don’t even let a step go without warning: “don’t”, “don’t walk”, “don’t touch”, “don’t run”, but to the natural question “why?” get off with a categorical answer: “it’s impossible and that’s all!”. This is where his fantasies come from.

It's all about the characteristics of the psyche of the baby. Sensitive and vulnerable children are most often subjected to fear. It is especially difficult for boys, because they are required to have more courage, and when he is afraid, shame for his fear is mixed in here. Never make fun of a child. Such adults will lose the confidence of the baby, he will withdraw into himself.

Noisy showdowns between parents often lead to the development of a sense of fear in children. Moreover, parents may not suspect that their actions cause fear in him, since outwardly he may not show this, and remain completely calm. A long stay in a stressful situation can lead to neurotic deviations, since the psyche of a small person is rather unstable and negative emotions negatively affect it. On the basis of fear, anxiety develops - unreasonable anxiety, fear.

Some researchers believe that anxiety develops in the process of socialization. It is inevitable, but persistent phobias can become pathogenic and inhibit the child's normal development as a person.

The kid is afraid of the potty

Babies often have a fear of the potty: he cries, runs away, hides, and it is simply impossible to put him on the potty.

What should parents do

Even if it seems to you that the baby is just being naughty, you need to carefully consider his fears. The consequences of unnoticed children's fears will be discussed below.

Fear of defenselessness

In our troubled times, the fear of insecurity, which is again based on the fear of death, is more and more justified. Therefore, parents need to reduce their anxiety: try not to watch news that talk about disasters, wars and violence. You can help him overcome such fear if you answer the child’s question: “There is a threat, but it’s not a fact that this will happen. If you are careful, everything will be fine.” Elementary precautions to help avoid violence, the child, of course, should know.

Fear of punishment

The fear of punishment in a child does not mean that he is constantly beaten. Often, parents do not use corporal punishment at all, but communication is authoritative and does not allow for any objections. Or parents demand too much from the child. He is afraid of becoming unloved, bad, not meeting parental standards, being rejected. But for him there is nothing worse.

Fear of death

Fear of death may appear in a child at the age of six or seven. He suddenly realizes that all people, including himself, will someday die, and this is a rather serious shock for him. In especially sensitive children, this discovery leaves a painful impression and disturbs for a long time. Parents should analyze their own behavior: are they too fixated on childhood illnesses, talking about a hard life and various dangers, are they themselves too worried. Children should not attend funerals and observe the dead. This is a very strong emotional experience that causes hidden fear.

How to deal with childhood fears

You can help your child with the help of play methods. In an informal setting, learning habits and skills and adjusting one's behavior and overcoming psychological difficulties goes better. Scrolling situations of fears in a playful way frees the child from negative experiences.

There is no need to turn it into a duty, if the child does not want to play, then it is not necessary. Since fears are very diverse, there should be many options for games. In them, he will "lose" various situations, overcoming his fear. With the help of the game, you can achieve a much better result than with the help of moralizing or punishment.

There are several ways to overcome children's fear, parents should pay special attention to this.

Simplify .

To defeat children's fear and anxiety, it will be enough for parents to reduce unnecessary stress by simplifying the daily routine. If the child is subject to frequent outbursts of irritation, simplify his life for some time, remove some minor prohibitions.

Rationalize.

The main methods of correction emotional states in children are demonstration and explanation to them of why this or that situation can be dangerous. Sometimes you can use "magic" items that can protect the baby in any situation. The means of protection jointly invented by parents and the child also have a positive effect.

Transform.

The transformation of fears is a psychotherapeutic technique. Ask the child to draw what he is afraid of, or mold from plasticine. Then throw away or destroy with your child.

Parents should know several actions to rationalize children's anxiety:

• recognize stress reactions by certain signs;
• ensure the reliable presence of adults;
• give the child the opportunity to talk about his condition;
• allow the child to behave that is no longer characteristic of his age: sit on his knees or wrap himself in a blanket.

Effects

Unnoticed childhood fears and untimely correction lead to the development of negative emotionality in children. It can take three forms: anxiety, negativistic demonstrativeness, and withdrawal from reality.

Anxious children

The child's constant dissatisfaction with his parents, reproaches, remarks, lead to the fact that the child is constantly afraid of doing something wrong or badly.
This is where the high level of anxiety comes from. Or vice versa, parents see in the child a genius, an extraordinary and highly developed personality, the requirements are very high, the child seeks to justify the expectations, but cannot cope.

Increased anxiety leads to a decrease in self-esteem and increased motivation to avoid failure. As a result, the child will seek to act only on the instructions of adults, established patterns and be afraid to take the initiative.

Adults dissatisfied with such behavior may increasingly pay attention to the child's problems, increasing his emotional discomfort. A vicious circle arises, which adults can break by revising their attitudes. Attention should be focused on the success of the baby, which will cause a decrease in the level of anxiety.

Demonstrative child

This is the desire of the baby to attract attention.

Such children may show exaggerated emotional reactions, act in a manner, trying to draw attention to themselves, to receive praise. This line of behavior is the lack of praise from others. The reasons for demonstrativeness can be both the "abandonment" of the child, lack of attention, and its excess, which causes him an excessive need for constant emotional contact. These kids are getting attention. different ways, up to violation of the rules of conduct, since the remarks made by adults reinforce their demonstrativeness. To reduce it, parents should provide the baby with various opportunities for self-realization: participation in children's matinees, concerts, public assignments and fine arts.

Escape from reality

With this option, children tend to draw attention to themselves, on the one hand, and cannot realize their desire due to high anxiety, on the other. A high level of anxiety hinders their activity and contact. Having not achieved the desired success, the child "falls out" of life, begins to "hover in the clouds." Here the imagination performs its protective function. In his dreams he achieves the recognition he lacks in real life. The desire for it is always reflected in children's fantasies and detachment. To correct this behavior, it will be enough for adults to actively encourage the baby, show attention to him and interest in the result of his activities.

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We, one way or another, touched on the topic of fear. I suggest you get to know him better.

According to the Great Soviet Encyclopedia " fear - in psychology, a negative emotion arising as a result of a real or imagined danger that threatens the life of an organism, a person, the values ​​\u200b\u200bprotected by it (ideals, goals, principles, etc.). Early psychoanalysis, also distinguishing between rational fear of external danger and deep, irrational fear, interpreted the latter as the result of non-actualized life aspirations, the suppression of unfulfilled desires. "And Wikipedia adds:" Fear mobilizes the body to implement avoidant behavior, escape.

Rational fears really carry a positive function of protecting the human body from real threats. Fear of fire forces a person to follow the rules of safe handling of it, fear of electricity also contributes to compliance with safety standards. Getting into a wild forest, a person mobilizes all his skills and abilities, all the forces of the body to survive in an aggressive environment. At the biological level, special substances, hormones, enter the human blood, which allow a person to repeatedly increase dexterity, speed, reaction speed, etc. in moments of danger. It is fear, a sense of danger that are the catalysts for these biological reactions of the body.

Irrational fears harm a person. It is to them that we will devote our conversation.

Why are people afraid? What is the nature of fear?

Let's see why fear and creativity are incompatible? What is the nature of fears.

Man was originally created as a creator, a creature living in constant creativity, creative search. Any experiment has two sides: a successful creation experience and an unsuccessful one that does not correspond to the set goals, but also an experience. After all, experience has no plus or minus.

Gradually, a person forgets about creativity. He is afraid of his own failures, considering them a sign of his own failure. This is how fear arises.

The energy of fear is very dense, restricting movement and consciousness. It is she who leads a person away from his task - to create.

As a result, a person is so saturated with the energy of fears that the whole world seems hostile to him, and people are aggressive. And in order to survive in these conditions, you need to fight, defend yourself, prove to others that you are right and have the right to exist. The fear itself begins to control the person, provoking the "owner" to new fears, multiplying and developing. And so it grows and grows stronger, gaining more and more power over a person.

In addition, strangers, "aliens" are added to a person's own fears.

What is the mechanism for acquiring other people's fears?

For example: a father is afraid for his son. He has personal experience of failures and sincerely believes that if he warns his son in advance, he will help him avoid mistakes. Therefore, he persistently tells his son about the possible negative consequences of his actions. Sometimes it is so colorful that it practically programs the son for failure, instilling in him the fear of a mistake, limiting the freedom of his son's creativity. So out of good intentions, love for their children, parents rudely interfere in the process of creation and experience of their own children.

Result:

The best option is that the son received an experience in principle positive, but the process of creation took place in a limited version (after all, he remembered his father's persistent warnings and therefore was cautious). And the result is incomplete. The worst option is that the son did not succeed. Then the father says to him: “I warned you!” The fears of both the son and the father intensify even more. And they both go even further from the path of creation.

Every person needs to be held accountable for their actions. Create and get experience! Remember, fear is a destructive energy! Of course, you need to try to keep children out of danger, but do not be too zealous in this.

Absence of fear

The absence of fears does not always indicate a high level of human development. This may be the result of great pride. The motto of such people: " I I'm not afraid of anything!" I I can do anything!" to me nothing at all!" I genius!" But sooner or later, circumstances begin to appear in people's lives that indicate the opposite. In an effort to prove to themselves and others that they are invincible and omnipotent, such people lead themselves to death, sometimes moral, sometimes physical.

In fact, such people have a much greater number of fears. And most importantly, others can notice their weaknesses. They lack the courage to admit to themselves that fears are their real masters.

The constructive absence of fears gives rise to a state of creative flight, freedom, love for everyone around, mercy and openness.

How do fears form throughout a person's life?

A child is born free from fears. In infancy, rational fears predominate in him as a reaction to external danger: sharp sounds, loud screams, pain, discomfort. Initially, he receives protection from his parents, most often from his mother. Gradually, he becomes addicted to this protection. Therefore, a natural reaction to any danger or discomfort for a child is crying, as a mechanism for attracting the attention of adults, asking for protection and help.

From the moment the child begins to identify himself as a person and a family member, irrational fears begin.

The child is used to receiving protection from his mother or another adult in case of danger. Therefore, when he is left alone, there is a fear of not getting the necessary protection in time. The child begins to cry and act up, afraid to let go of his protector. How about a danger? Thus, he becomes afraid of imaginary dangers and problems.

Further, over time, the child begins to understand what is beneficial for him when his parents good mood. After all, then they are kind, generous with caresses and gifts. Therefore, if suddenly the mother starts to get angry, the child starts to cry. After all, he has already developed this mechanism at the subconscious level as a way of obtaining protection. And of course, what adult does not have a heart tremor at the sight of a crying baby? Even if one adult cannot stop in a fit of anger, there will always be someone else who will take pity on the unfortunate baby, caress, protect, and even, perhaps, give something in the form of compensation for suffering. So some people from childhood form the way of behavior of the "victim", as the most profitable mechanism for obtaining protection and material benefits, but in essence as a way of manipulating others.

The child grows up, new fears appear. When adults begin to make their demands on the behavior of the baby, they are always combined with some kind of punishment: physical, material or psychological. Someone will just slap or give a cuff for a bad deed, someone will deprive you of sweets or will not take you to the circus, and someone will just be offended, will not talk, play and caress. In any case, the child develops a fear of punishment.

When a child enters a society, a group kindergarten, school, he develops a fear of rejection by society.

At the moment of awareness of one's gender, fear of the opposite sex appears.

And the older a person becomes, the more and more irrational fears are born in his soul. And the more fears, the less inner freedom and the less creativity in his life.

In order to defeat your enemy, you need to know him by sight. Let's try to take a closer look at our fears and understand how we can overcome them.

Fear and anger

When we see an expression of anger on the part of another person, we often experience a feeling of fear of him or fear for our own safety, the safety of other people.

Have you ever thought that anger itself as an emotion is a defensive reaction caused by fear?

When a guard dog puppy is taught to be mean, it gets cornered and scared. At first, the puppy is frightened and hides. But from some point he begins to bark desperately to protect himself and frighten his offender. And at that moment, he ceases to be frightened. By repeating this procedure many times, the dog reinforces barking as a response to danger.

By and large, the same thing happens with humans. In the process of gaining life experience, we often see that the expression of aggression is the fastest and easiest way to get what you want from others. It doesn't take much effort to convince a person. There is no need to seek a compromise to the detriment of oneself, i.e. limit yourself and your ambitions. You just need to properly demonstrate your strength and power with the help of anger and aggressive behavior. Then everyone will be afraid, recognize the leader and unconditionally obey.

But the root of this behavior is still fear. Fear of not being able to communicate your request to others. Fear of not getting what you want. Fear, sitting at the subconscious level, generating anger and aggression as a form of protection.

Fear of punishment

It occurs in a person in front of someone more powerful, in his opinion, those who can cause us pain and suffering, both physical and mental. This fear is a kind of deterrent that limits a person in his actions, thoughts. In this case, there is a certain set of written and unwritten rules, norms, requirements that we must follow. Any deviation from them is fraught with punishment. The punishing force in this case can be a parent, a teacher at school, a teacher at a university, an employer or immediate supervisor, a life partner or life partner, a priest and the Lord himself.

On the one hand, the fear of punishment carries a positive moment. It is the limiter that allows the superior to control the inferior, forms the norms of behavior that are acceptable in society.

Sometimes it acts as an engine, a push that gives rise to movement. Out of fear of punishment from the parents, the child sits down to do homework, out of fear of the boss, we work, even if we don’t feel like it or feel sick, out of fear of God’s punishment, we honor our parents, try not to condemn our neighbors and not to violate His commandments.

And yet, this fear also needs to be freed. Because it is an artificial limit. It is like a dam built on deep river. It controls the natural course of the river, regulates it depending on the needs and requirements of those who control it. The water level in the river is regulated within safe limits. The illusion of a calm river that can be controlled is created.

But it is worth losing this control and the waters of the river will carry away in their path the dam itself, and those who controlled it, and everything that gets in the way. And then we say: "The man has suffered", "he has gone into all serious troubles" ...

This can be seen especially clearly in the example of children who grew up in a very strict family, where failure to comply with the will of their parents is always fraught with severe punishment. But as soon as they are beyond the control of their parents, they begin to do things that are absolutely incompatible with generally accepted norms of morality, to behave aggressively and defiantly. By this behavior, they compensate for all the efforts that they had to make to meet external requirements. And others wonder how an obedient and exemplary child could change so much?

Liberation from the fear of punishment allows a person to be himself, fulfill the requirements of morality and generally accepted norms of behavior naturally, without effort and tension. Then this is an achievement of a person, his soul, and not a survival instinct, a form of adaptation to the proposed circumstances.

Fear and control

Surely in your life you have had to deal with people who keep all the circumstances of their lives under control. Moreover, they strive to control not only events, actions of close people, but also those who fall into their field of vision and sphere of influence.

As a rule, others get the impression that they are very self-confident people who know how to act in any situation.

Actually true reason such behavior is fear, generated and reinforced by a lack of faith in oneself, other people, partners. This is fear generated by one's own mind, personality, surrounded by the illusion of the very ability to control the circumstances of life and people.

Of course, to a certain extent, you can control the actions of other people with the help of artificial constraints. But not a single person managed to completely control other people's thoughts and consciousness. You can control people by instilling fear of punishment. But we have already seen that it is short-lived.

The desire to control everything and everyone is always associated with bouts of anger, resentment, disappointment in people and others. negative emotions. And no matter what righteous thoughts the controller hides behind, no matter how much love for others he justifies himself, his actions are always harmful. It forcibly subjugates people, forces them to take actions that do not correspond to their own interests and desires, creates fear of punishment, and therefore limits and slows down their development, "deprives them of the Way."

Such people seek to actually replace God. It seems to them that they are able to make happy everyone who will obey them. As a rule, such people in life are overtaken by serious disappointments. There will always be people who will try to dispel their illusion of total control. These "ungrateful" people arouse the "righteous" wrath of the benefactor. And then, depending on the personality, the controller himself may manifest fear of punishment for his own actions, self-criticism, dissatisfaction with what is happening. And as a consequence, new bouts of anger.

This can continue until the person is fully aware that his control is pure mind-created illusion.

Fear and physical beauty

At the moment of realizing oneself as a social unit, one's gender, a person pays a lot of attention to his appearance, physical beauty. This applies to both clothing and appearance. The stimulus for this is fear and self-doubt. And the more attention we pay to this, the greater our fear of "not being liked."

What are the consequences of this fear? They can be expressed in different ways: stiffness in movements and speech, the desire to imitate the "ideal", excessiveness in cosmetics, clothing, defiant behavior as a form of drawing attention to oneself.

Such self-doubt, as a rule, does not go unnoticed. Usually people start joking or sarcastic about this, which only causes increased fear.

When this fear is at the subconscious level, deep inside, a person becomes arrogant and overconfident. Even if he looks perfect, he exudes cold and inaccessibility.

If a person sincerely accepts himself as he is, then his beauty will be based on inner love for himself, for the people around him. His eyes will glow with kindness. And even if his appearance is far from ideal, there will always be people around him, he will enjoy the attention and love of others.

Fear of losing a person

In the course of our lives, we very often become emotionally attached to people. And as a result, we try to extend the possibilities of communication with them as much as possible. This is especially evident in the example of people close to us, family members. As for our children, parents often treat them as if they were their own property. Sometimes a similar fear arises in relation to the spouse (s), life partner (s). There is an obsessive fear of losing this person. As a result - attempts by any means to tie him to yourself. This can be expressed in a banal "purchase" with money, gifts, and other material goods. Or is it the fear of manifesting itself in the form of tantrums, scandals, jealousy, suspicion and other things. The stronger the fear of losing, the greater the desire to turn a person into their own toy, a puppet.

How does the "object of desire" usually react? Someone may well come to terms with this role, satisfied with the benefits and privileges received. But there is a danger of his "betrayal" if suddenly there is a "dealer" richer.

Another variant of the development of events - a person outwardly resigns himself under the pressure of circumstances, or out of love for his "tyrant". But internal tension and dissatisfaction with such a role can lead to "silent alcoholism", withdrawal into the virtual world of social networks and computer games, into other self-destructive activities and hobbies.

The third scenario is a stormy confrontation, scandals, fights, resentment, explosions of negative emotions, a desire for revenge, and so on.

There is only one cure for this fear. It must be remembered that the simple law of physics "any pressure gives rise to resistance" also applies in the field of human relations. You need to understand for yourself that the "object of desire" is a free person who has the right to his own thoughts, feelings, actions. That love is not always mutual, but from this true love doesn't get any less beautiful.

“Love is longsuffering, is merciful, love does not envy, love does not boast, does not pride itself, does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not irritated, thinks no evil, does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; it covers everything, believes everything, hopes everything, endures everything Love never ceases, although prophecy will cease, and tongues will be silent, and knowledge will be abolished.

(First Epistle of St. Apostle Paul to the Corinthians, 13:4-8)

Fear of death

Almost everyone has this fear. When the physical body of a person is healthy or simply does not cause discomfort, pain, we forget about this fear. It goes deep into the subconscious.

But as soon as the slightest signs of illness appear, he immediately "gets to work." We begin to remember the frailty of our body, the limited time of its existence. We fear the physical suffering associated with disease. And the magnitude of this fear directly depends on the level of the pain threshold: someone suffers from the slightest wound, and someone is able to calmly endure pain from a serious cut or bruise.

But in any case, the physical reaction of the body to pain is the same. We begin to strain the place or organ that causes pain, feel sorry for ourselves and get angry at the disease itself.

In this case, the following occurs. By itself, pain is given to a person as a signal of a danger that threatens his health, i.e. as a defense mechanism. It begins to work there and then, where and when a problem arises that negatively affects the state of the physical body. Being angry at the pain, at the disease, we send an additional charge of negativity to the problem area, which only worsens our well-being, gives an additional impetus to its destruction.

Try to do the opposite when you experience pain. Relax the problem area or organ as much as possible, thank the pain for the signal given in time and mentally direct love for your physical body to this place, calm and comfort your diseased organ, promise him to carefully consider his well-being and eliminate all causes of the disease. You will definitely notice that this is enough for the pain to subside completely or decrease to tolerable sizes, that the recovery will go as quickly as possible and with minimal losses.

Is it possible to be free from the fear of death?

Nothing is impossible for a person. The fear of death is perhaps one of the strongest fears, but getting rid of it does not require much effort.

A person must sincerely believe and accept that the physical body is a garment, a suit that the immortal Soul puts on temporarily in order to perform some specific task. And that the style of this clothing depends on this task directly. Just as we dress in a style appropriate to our intended actions. 'Cause we're not going to evening dress take out the trash or swim in the pool in a mink coat. In the same way, the body is given to us in such a way that it maximally corresponds to our life tasks in a particular incarnation.

And just as easily we get rid of dilapidated or obsolete clothes, just as easily we must learn to relate to our own physical body. We keep it clean and tidy in order to increase its service life, but it is impossible to do this indefinitely.

Having accepted this as an axiom, we will begin to relate more calmly to the very fact of death.

In fact, our worries about the departed are nothing but selfishness.

Selfishness is expressed in our tears and suffering. After all, we cry not because the person is gone, but because we feel sorry for our loved ones. Remember lamentations at such moments: "How I will I be without you?" "How to me live on?" "Who are you me left?

It so happened that I have an experience of clinical death, I was given the experience of experiencing my own death. I saw my funeral procession from the side. There was impatience inside me. I wanted this procedure to end as soon as the children impatiently wait in the circus for the curtain to rise and the magic show to begin. And when the funeral ended and I tried to take off, I realized that I could not do it. Something terribly interfered with me, some ropes pulled me back. So these ropes turned out to be the tears and suffering of those who saw me off. And I really wanted them to stop sobbing and let me go where there was a bright light, where there was Infinite Love.

I will not dissemble that having such an experience, I completely got rid of the fear of death. But it gave me the strength to help my father leave peacefully when he was in intensive care after a massive stroke. He was unconscious, his hand convulsively looking for mine. I understood that he was very scared to leave, to leave us, his children and grandchildren. Words of consolation appeared of their own accord. Overcoming my tears, I told him not to be afraid. There is no need to worry about us, we are adults and we can handle it. His hand relaxed, a tear rolled from his eyes. And after a few hours he left.

How to get rid of fears?

To begin with, understand and accept that fear is a natural human reaction. To a certain extent, he needs it for survival. The main thing is that fear does not control your life, does not limit it.

You need to see your fears, carefully study them, understand the reason for their appearance and the mechanism of their work. And then to control and limit their manifestation within reasonable limits.

Don't face all your fears at the same time. It is better to work with each separately.

Any fear gives rise to tension, both internal and muscular. Dan Milman, in his book The 12 Steps of Daily Enlightenment, cites the example of Japanese samurai. They had a motto: "Relax or die." The movements of the warriors were lightning fast, and the weapons were deadly. If a warrior is tense, then in order to evade a blow, he must first relax, and only then change his position, posture. This is the physical nature of the human body. Accordingly, additional time is needed for the relaxation process. If the warrior is initially relaxed, then he easily slips away from the blow. That is why the movements of the Japanese samurai are light and even “fluid”.

Adopt this motto of the samurai. It will help you easily and freely cope with any difficulties, help awaken your creativity and cope with your fears.