How to raise your son to be a real man. Raising a boy: how to raise a man? From boy to man

It is no secret that a child spends most of his time, especially in early childhood, with his mother. With the upbringing of the girl, the mother does not have any special problems, since it is enough to remain herself, and the daughter will imitate.

But how to grow a real man out of a boy?

Someone who is self-confident, able to protect, see the goal, take care of others?

I'll give you an example. Mom never said to little Vova and Dima: “Don’t cry, man”, “Don’t complain”, “Be patient”, “Deal with yourself”. She, like any loving mother, pitied, protected and was always on their side.

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Mom was always in the rear and helped "lick the wounds" of the growing naughty. She had the wisdom not to interfere when her father raised them, but they could always count on her. sweet word. And in the end, real men grew out of them.

Another example. Ruslan grew up in affection and care, tears did not have time to appear in his eyes, when his mother carefully wiped them with a handkerchief. Any step was foreseen, mother was always on guard and courageously defended her son from offenders. Ruslan ran to solve any problem, and mother, having clearly understood that the child needs affection and care, successfully solved it. She even divorced her husband, because "he did not share her views on how to raise her son." So they live together until now, because no one could understand Ruslan like his mother ...

Maternal love is not always creative, you can go too far and even strangle with your care, raise a weak-willed, worthless person who can never become a real man.

Dad's example plays an indispensable role in the development of a boy purely masculine qualities: to be courageous, make decisions, be responsible for your actions, respect your mother and others, earn money in a trite way. If dad takes care of his wife and children, then you don’t have to “on your fingers” explain to your son what it means to be strong.

How to growboy a successful man?

First of all, it is necessary to form certain qualities in the boy.

Self-reliance and self-confidence

Parents need to trust their son more and allow them to do everything on their own, because boys form a positive self-image based on the trust of others. If a boy sees that his parents appreciate what he does, he is motivated to do even more and better. Openly rejoice in the success of the child, especially when he achieves something without your help. So he gains self-confidence and self-esteem. It is known that there is no stronger incentive than success. Therefore, in relation to the boy, it is necessary to show more trust, acceptance and approval in order to encourage him to take care of both himself and those around him.

Masculinity

Most parents associate the concept of strength with masculinity. That is why boys are often treated more severely, they raise their voices, they are punished more severely. Many parents believe that the use of physical measures of influence is quite acceptable in relation to their son. Like, let him train the male will, let him learn to endure, be responsible for his actions and fight back! Otherwise, he will grow up as a "mama's boy"! But physically and psychologically, boys are much more vulnerable than girls. They are more hurt by insults, shouting, punishment, humiliation. That is why many of them snap, rebel, hooligans. Boys don't fewer girls parental care is needed, and especially maternal affection, warmth, hugs. Only those who have experienced affection on themselves will be able to give it to another. The way parents treat their child, after many years, becomes for him the way he treats his own children.

It is important to remember that the image of the mother forms the boy's idea of ​​what a "woman" is in general. In the earliest childhood, the son must learn that mother is a woman with her feelings, that she can be not only strong, but also weak. Remember: next to true femininity, true masculinity must necessarily grow.

Empathy

The main mistake of most parents is the common phrase: "You're a man, but real men never cry." Most boys grow up with the idea that since you belong to the strong half of humanity, then no matter what happens, you have no right to ask for support and wait for sympathy. To empathize means to understand the experiences of an outsider, and not just your own. A child who cannot pour out his pain and resentment to his parents, and he himself is not able to empathize. If the baby suffers pain and does not seek support from loved ones, then he will expect similar behavior from others.

Try to teach your child to understand the feelings of the injured party. For example, if a child is fighting, do not yell at him, but talk to him calmly. Pay attention to the state of the child who was offended. Usually, children of three years old keep up the conversation and reach out to feel sorry for the crying baby, which means that they are able to understand the pain of another. Of course, they will fight more than once, but they will already put up after a quarrel.

Thrift

Many men are convinced that household chores are the concern of women. - the same direct duty as teaching how to hold a spoon on their own or drink tea. Let the boy do what he is drawn to, and at an older age, make him responsible for cleanliness and putting things in order in his room, teach him to clean and take care of himself. The distribution of responsibilities that existed in the child's home for many years, he will consider ideal for very many years.

Hello, dear visitors of the Orthodox website "Family and Faith"!

How to grow a real Orthodox male patriot out of a boy? How to invest in him care for his parents, so that he remembers the Commandment to honor his father and mother and live by it all his life?

Psychologist and teacher, Tatyana Vladimirovna Vorobieva, share her many years of experience and gives the right tips us, parents, how to raise a son in such a way that he would please us in old age.

(The article is taken from the Orthodox portal Orthodoxy and the world)

Interview recorded by Tamara Amelina

With Today I had an eight-year-old child for a consultation. A very shy, timid boy sat down in an armchair, literally pressed himself into it, and his mother sat next to him on a low chair. Mom was uncomfortable, uncomfortable, but did an eight-year-old child see it? No. He saw and heard only his condition. Mom's inconvenience was insignificant for him, the boy did not care about it.

Make kids fall in love with you!

This moment is an exclamation point.

So where do you start with education?

I always say the same words - pull the blanket of family education on yourself, make children fall in love with you! Set yourself the task of being indispensable under any circumstances, be it friendship, knowledge, care, food, clothing. Become everything for the child! This is not a deceitful, proud, hypocritical task. With proper upbringing, a child sees, hears, worries, worries about his parents and cannot, does not want to do something that will cause pain, suffering, experiences to his mother and father.

We think: after all, we give everything, children see everything, they appreciate our care. No. It is necessary to declare, to pronounce, so that the soul of the child hears, and he learns to keep, protect what he has. That's when the most important motive will be formed in human soul- volitional orientation to care, to experience, to storage, to protection, to gratitude.

Let's talk about it.

What should be the boy?

So, what should a boy be like, what qualities should he have?

— Responsibility

— Care

— kindness

That's right - kindness. Kindness is what it is: attention, sensitivity, sacrifice...

Kindness without these qualities is something completely incomprehensible, it is hypocrisy, servility, partiality. What are the other qualities?

-Masculinity

-Heroism

Yes it is! The spirit of heroism must be. It is the spirit of heroism that allows us to have the nearest development zone, a plan - to do in the name of the fatherland, in the name of the family. This "in the name" is an amazing quality! To do what I can not and do not want - "in the name." No need to wait for the battlefield - you are on the battlefield every day. Every day - to sit down for lessons or not to sit down? To lie or not? Every day we face a dilemma, a choice, an opportunity to perform a deed.

All the qualities that a boy should have, we named correctly. But the leading quality is supremacy. Feeling of superiority from a position of responsibility.

And duty, and responsibility, and heroism, and kindness - everything is inherent in the primacy!

Is the mother in charge of everything?

Boys should know that they came into this life to lead - to be responsible for the family, for their parents, to serve the Fatherland.

So the problem arises - how to form these feelings?

How to make sure that in any situation, in a state of love, for example, a boy is responsible? The first postulate, the first law that we must give to our boys: you bear the greatest responsibility for everything that will be in your relationship with your beloved girl, for everything that will be the result of your relationship.

We know that everything has been turned upside down in our society for a long time - the mother is responsible for everything: she bears the child, feeds, drags the entire burden of responsibility. And this means that someone did not lay in the husband that it is he who is responsible for the child born. Didn't pawn, didn't get through, didn't deliver. The result is a single mother.

Or even kill a child. I'm not talking about morality or immorality, I'm talking about an act that is simply inherently unacceptable. The amazing quality of responsibility, duty and feat does not form a social status, not a level of education. The young man should not be afraid and say: “This is my child, I will bear the responsibility for him. I won't give it anywhere. I don’t know anything, I don’t know anything, but I won’t kill my child.”

"I heard your words"

Boys are distinguished by two amazing features - they are all “hypochondriacs”, they are afraid of illnesses and sores, and the second feature is that boys have a sense of chastity. Despite the fact that sensuality rages in them much earlier, it overwhelms them much more than girls, it is much more difficult for them to control it. But, at the same time, each of the boys strives to have a chaste family, a chaste wife. And this quality is not egoistic, which can be explained from a worldly position, this is a spiritual quality.

Knowing these characteristics of boys, one must use this as a method and technique. By the way, “over your shoulder” tell your child that only a chaste couple has amazingly talented and healthy children. What has been said, by the way, sometimes lies deeper in the soul of a boy than a direct maxim about righteousness. Years will pass, and the children will tell you: "I heard your words."

The boys are ready to wait for the dates set by the brides, no matter how much they want intimacy. If the parents once told them this, then they are ready to wait, because the fear of overstepping the line beyond which the suffering of children can go is an amazing control and restraining frame that allows you to endure, endure any desire for intimacy for the sake of the future family, for the sake of future children.

And the unsaid, the unsaid is the cause of many mistakes, searches and, sometimes, tragedies in the lives of our children. Not in maxims and notations, but by the way, the spoken word about purity and chastity lays down in such a layer, such a safe-conduct, which then will help to create a family once and for all.

Listen, really listen!

In the actions of our children, we often encounter egoism, egocentrism - these are also the results of our bias in education, when we have no time, then there is no need to communicate with children. As a result, children do not see or hear their parents.

Whenever a child addresses you, put everything aside, turn to face him, really try to hear his question. Don't do it while walking or running. Your sincerity, your willingness to talk, your responsibility - this is the very necessary security when there is knowledge that the child's parents hear, see and understand!

Do not rush to answer, sometimes the most important thing for a child is to be heard. He asked a question - answer. I didn’t ask - just console with a word or attention, cuddle, caress or just be silent together.

The task of parents is to listen, truly listen! Not by the way, with a handset in hand, answering on the go, in a fuss. The result of negligence is the aloofness of children and their frankness somewhere and with someone else. Many family tragedies come from lack of knowledge, unheededness, inattention of parents to children.

Try at the moment when your child addresses you to become deaf-blind-mute for the whole world. “My eyes and my heart are open to you. I hear you, son, I worry, I am with you with every cell! I have a lump in my chest, I'm ready to cry! The main thing is empathy with what the children are talking about. Compassion, compassion. Yes, perhaps the boy himself is to blame and wrong, but in an acute situation - do not treat, do not educate, they do not hear you. This is not what is needed here. The boy needs one thing - his mother hears him, his mother sees him, his mother wants to understand, his mother sympathizes with him!

It is a great miracle to have parents who are compassionate towards their child! This is a great defense of children, which will return a thousand times later: "My parents always knew how to listen to me."

We are the only source of all suffering

Boys, unfortunately, are distinguished by emotional closeness, it is more difficult for them to express feelings and experiences. They try to drive the problem inward.

And more importantly - do not return to the problem. We ask only about the feeling, about what the child is experiencing. We keep our finger on the pulse of his feelings, his suffering. "I'm with you son, I'm worried about you!"

While the child cannot understand the cause of the experiences and evaluate his behavior, then our help is to bring the child to the understanding that in all our suffering there is only one factor - ourselves. We ourselves! We are the only source of all the suffering that happens to us! But how can we say this to a suffering person in an acute moment that he himself is to blame? After all, now the child will not understand and will not hear. Therefore, take your time, let the wound heal a little. But then we need to tell and explain how and why troubles happen to us. We must teach children to be attentive, to be sensitive, to be careful and accurate in words and deeds, to watch their thoughts.

When there is no strength

I want to talk about another source that has a huge impact on the feelings of our sons - our inner parental world. We experience, we are indignant, or, conversely, we rejoice. Our emotions don't disappear. Everything goes back to the child. Watch your inner world! “I'm so tired, I'm so sleepy, I'm so angry…” This lamentation should be closed with words of repentance. Close it immediately so that it does not hang on the child's soul!

The Holy Fathers often say in edification about raising children: “You can’t say - I don’t have the strength, this is spitting on the Creator! He doesn't give you anything beyond your strength. Everything makes it possible for you"

And when we complain about the mercy of God, about the child given to us, we complain about the One who gave this soul. When we begin to complain, we take away the strength from our child - remember this!

Archpriest Sergei Chetverikov in a conversation had the following words: “We are mentally burdened, and let the child never feel this gravity to him, it seems that we care and do everything, but later he will be burdened by us, our presence, our presence, we will annoy him » .

Therefore, I want to say these words - let's be careful, be careful and attentive in our complaints. We ourselves do not know our huge spiritual resources. And the female spirit is huge! Therefore, there is no need to complain about the child. Not to myself, much less aloud. I understand how hard it is to contain yourself. But I understand and know how it affects children.

Forget those words

I want to say one more thing: please, forget such words – “depression, complexes”… The word “hyperactivity” is now used by everyone, forgetting that this is the most difficult psychiatric condition, which in America, and now in Russia, they began to treat with psychotropic drugs. And after all with the same giperaktivnovstvu it is necessary to understand.

Maybe this is the type of child who is actively awake, who has a high cognitive need. He cannot sit still, in your place, in the place where you want him to be assigned. These children have more difficult obedience, but this is not a subject for psychotropic drugs. Therefore, remove the diagnoses unknown to you, do not sculpt them for your children. This cannot be done.

Back to today's consultation. The boy's mother said that she had depression, then she clarified that it was stress. Those. from a psychiatric diagnosis descended to psychopathy. No, mom has a state of abandonment.

I always say that very powerful information comes from children, you can always understand what is happening in the family. I understand that the reason for my mother's condition is her loneliness. There is no time for mom to take care of her son, she is all focused on herself. Good or bad, I do not presume to judge. Mom went into herself, into her experiences, and the child went twice into her experiences. Problems will end sooner or later, she will still be a wife, she is young, everything in her life will be! But it will only be if she looks at her son with joy.

You can’t look with despondency, otherwise self-love, the brightness of your true manifestation, fights off. Whatever the collision in life may be, it must be remembered that the one who is with us together should not suffer. This is a law, a spiritual law, and no one has yet been able to cancel it. We do it poorly, but none of us will be able to change it, to refuse it. If we do it poorly, we get a bad result. Let's do it with patience - and we will get a good result, especially on the boys.

Talk about a girl

Again, what qualities should a boy have? Supremacy! This is what it is: responsibility, kindness, masculinity. And these feelings will help him in all collisions, in all situations - to remain a son in relation to his parents, a father in relation to children, a husband in relation to his wife, a citizen in relation to the Fatherland.

And we don’t have to think whether he is dating a good girl or a bad one, but we need to think that now I, as a mother, am taking an exam. The son wanted to talk about the girl or about the feeling for her - well, he went to call a friend or ran to a psychologist - a deuce to me. He must come to me, he must speak with me. This is not maternal selfishness. This means that I have taken that place of trust in his soul, which belongs only to me as a mother.

QUESTIONS:

How to teach children to take care of themselves? I feel that older children have completely thrown me off my pedestal, they do not appreciate me at all.

— The time is not despondency, but the time of understanding. The Orthodox always have both repentance and a prayer that the Lord save my children. The time for discouragement has not yet come. As long as we are alive, we will knock: “Lord, enlighten and instruct what to say and when to say!” It is impossible to be spiritual about the spiritual. I call for responsibility for my words. It is better to remain silent, it is better to leave the situation unresolved now, it is better to say to yourself - this is not the time, but never reproach the child.

"I have you!"

And say to the baby, as if by the way: “You know, sonny, if something happens to you, I will give everything for you!” Simple maternal, heartfelt words, without pathos and edification. When our children cling to us, eye to eye, say softly: "Most of all I love you in the world." And no matter how old our boys are, how important it is for them to know that they are loved! Like everyone at any age, it is important to know from the lips of their parents that they are loved!

If parents do not confirm their love with words, children will feel emptiness and abandonment. Therefore, today and now, say the words - will they be said in the ear, will they be said to the sleeping child, will they be said when he roars ... And only the mother will say: “I love you without measure and I suffer with you just like you” .

If you correctly set the tone at the time (although I do not like such worldly words, they are too flat for the concepts of motherhood and spirituality), then you will see how the child is worried that you are suffering for him. He will say: “Mom, don’t cry, I’m fine!” It means that you brought up the right person, it means that you did everything right, now it is more important for him that his mother does not suffer, that his mother does not suffer, that his mother does not worry.

And mom replies: “It's all right, sonny, we are close! Now let’s pray, now we’ll put up heavy artillery, let’s light a candle!” How important this is and how children need it!

Talk about your love, be compassionate, hold your child close to you, don’t talk about what you did for him, but only one thing - “you have me!” Sometimes imperceptibly, habitually, but this is what will allow a person in the most difficult situation hold on.

A mother came to one consultation, crying: “My children are fighting, fighting, they don’t notice me.” When you separate children in different corners, do not start with who is right and wrong. Start with this: “Whoever of you sees, children, what I am going through, what I am experiencing, that one is really my son!” It is necessary to pronounce all our experiences for children, but not from the position of a concussion. Everything that is said in anger, anger, despair, irritation, it all acquires a completely different shade. This is overgrown with a shade of endless showdowns. To teach my children to see how I suffer from this is a must and a must. This is something we sometimes fail to do.

When I ask the question - why did the children come? Everyone answers: for happiness, for joy, for procreation ... The child came to serve! To serve is a duty and a duty, this is the highest destiny of a person, because. to serve is to love, because love is manifested only in service. Serve your parents in honor and care for them, in the repose of their old age; serve your future family; education in their children of spiritual and moral foundations, providing and directing their education to serve the Fatherland; serve the Fatherland according to the talents given to them by God and their parents.

An experience of purity and chastity

- I have very believing girlfriends who are very authoritative for me, who believe that children need sexual experience before marriage ...

- When I hear - very believing girlfriends and then this ...

Otherwise, we will slide into sexology. And why not start a sexual experience with kindergarten? And what is the sexual experience? You need to know one thing - in the Sacrament of the Wedding, harmony is given in an amazing way. And if the question arises of choosing a partner, then choosing according to what kind of standards, according to what anthropometric indications?

Experience should be only one - the experience of purity and chastity. This is the only experience on which the well-being of the family and the health of children is based.

Should I tell my sons?

- Necessarily! Don't be afraid to talk about chastity! It doesn't matter who says - father or mother, the one who can say with the right accent of purity. Maintain childlike purity and chastity. Be able to say about cleanliness at twelve, at seven, be able to say at seventeen.

At twelve, this is when the boys, namely the boys, are developing their personality. Twelve years is an amazing age! It is both difficult and prickly, but so beneficially fundamental, because it is at this age that boys make a choice of value orientation - what I want, what I do not want and what I should not. If we set the completeness correctly true values, then we will save our children from a lot of dirt. We must speak! Look for the tone, look for the key, look for the word - it can be big and capacious, or it can be small and short.

A family with all conflicts, with all difficulties, is based on cleanliness! Purity does not allow us to be hurt, does not allow us to scatter, fall apart, step over in the most difficult positions, because there is always only one concept - there will be no more such purity!

Children grow up, love remains

- How to tell a child that I love him the most if there are many children in the family?

Each separately, covertly. And what will he think of my love for other children? This is great mystery- someone else's thoughts. Parental love belongs to all family members. And I will help the one who will be the worst of all, because I am a mother.

- My son is sixteen, and he is very closed ...

- At any age, you need to knock and say: "I'm so worried about you!"

Our main task is to let children know that they are loved, immensely dear, that they are never left for one second. "I see everything, son, and I love you!" Of course, it is often impossible to approach them, which does not mean at all that they will ask questions.

Children grow up, our will leaves, but love remains. What is surprising, the older our children, the more we love them. As long as we are alive, we will say: “I love you, you are my boy!” And these words in difficult times will keep our children. Something will happen, but he will think: “There is a person who loves me like this - lucky, not lucky, prestigious, not prestigious, happy, not happy - with all the strength of his soul!” Let's talk about our love! What we confess is what we receive. We don't confess, we don't receive.

If the father is wrong

Is it possible to correct the father's behavior? What if he's wrong?

- And who said that you are right? How did you decide that you know - how to do it right? The Apostle Paul in his epistle to Timothy (ch.3, verses 11-15) clearly and simply indicates the behavior and place of the wife. Boy, who is he? He grows into a husband, the head of the family. But we believe that we must correct the behavior of the husband, the measure of his influence, his vocabulary, style, etc.

If the husband is wrong, let him suffer from the infidelity of the step, education is an intimate process, it belongs to two parents. When a mother deals with the upbringing of a child, the father should refrain; when the husband brings up, the mother should refrain. Each of us solves the most important task: to raise children in honor of their parents.

“Honor your father and your mother! He who curses his father or mother, he must be put to death!” (Exodus 21-17) “Honor your father and mother in deed and word, so that a blessing from them will come upon you (Sir.3,8) Remember these holy words! No one else in this world could change or cancel them. This law was written once for all mankind. Honoring parents! And in this hierarchy, who is ahead? Father! Respect him and let him be a father.

Fatherhood grows as the father participates in the upbringing of the child. When we pushed him away - smart, kind, real, loving - so we lost our father. The father is the head of the family. “As your father says, do it!” When you are asked permission, you have to figure it out, you need to turn on what they are talking about, you look - dad looked up from the newspaper, walked away from the TV, raised his eyes to the child, heard the question - and the answer went! The father must be included in the upbringing process, otherwise, when he is in parallel, he becomes just a partner, not a husband, not a father.

- And if dad is at work from morning to evening?

“Family is work. Archimandrite John (Krestyankin) has these words: “Both the monastery and the family are a cross, but a saving cross.” Cross, heavy cross.

In the evening, tell your husband in detail everything that happened to the children during the day. "What do you think? Let's decide what to do?" Give your husband the opportunity to be involved in the upbringing process. “I couldn't decide this without you…” Let him hear the question. And then he becomes a father.

- And if you still had to intervene, and the child says: “Did dad say differently, dad is wrong?”

— A very good question. It is better to leave the situation wrong than to condemn the father.

You have to answer like this: "Dad was right." The father is never condemned in the eyes of the child. This is the most terrible destructive beginning that we often carry in the family. About the father - or worthy, or not at all. What we now have in families, as a rule, a single mother with a living father, is the result of the fact that we have taken upon ourselves what we should not take on. Wisely and correctly - the father is not condemned. As soon as we debunked the authority of the father, we debunked the family. No matter how many years pass, the absence of the masculine principle is always visible. You can't raise a son without a father, you can't raise a daughter without a father. Leave this illusion. It is always a one-sided, scanty upbringing.

Children must see us

Is it okay to cry in front of children? My eldest daughter is irritated by my tears.

- The daughter's reaction is a defensive reaction. She has no other way to express her feelings. This is a position of inability to help. Then, separately, give her a lesson on how to comfort her that her mother is waiting: “I am crying in pain, stroke me and I will immediately feel better.” Learn, speak! Sometimes, children do not know how, not because they are cruel, they really do not know how to be compassionate in this situation.

- Can you feel sorry for him after the father scolded the child?

- Why not? We always remain parents - not hypocrites. Press, kiss ... But dad is right! We do not discuss the situation, but demonstrate pity, love. We don't listen to what he says. Time will pass, it is necessary to analyze this situation. And this is the main task - to teach the child to see his wrong in the fact that dad shouted, slapped ... You did something wrong. But it should take time, move the conversation a little.

During the conflict, no one sees this. Everyone is offended, growling, cursing. Mom's task is to squeeze, console, calm. "The angry man does not do the truth!" There is no truth in anger. In a state of anger - do not educate, just console! And then we will figure out what needs to be done so that dad does not bring to such a state. "Papa's life is shortened." You see - not about the beloved child, but we must talk about the father. The father got nervous and yelled. "Believe me, it didn't give him strength."

First you need to console, and then make out the wrongness of the child in relation to the father. Remember, we are not asking for forgiveness. Our forgiveness is before God and before conscience. The child must understand that what he did was not that the reaction of the parent was like that. Remember this law! Children must see us! We won't teach our children to see us if we don't teach them this rule! The child must understand why I screamed, why I was indignant, why I slapped him, because my life was shortened. Children who love us very much, they are very afraid of this.

And never go to bed without reconciling. Hear - "Mommy, I'm sorry!", Answer - "Very good, a hundred years ahead!"

Never ask for forgiveness from children?

- In any situation - to teach the child to see his wrong. Let's teach this great thing, then the whole world will be good, and the child will learn to live everything correctly. Then there will be no anger, pride, envy. Then there will be no self-pity and resentment. Then there will be the ability to see the situation with a reasonable mind. Understand: what did I do wrong, although it seems that they offended me? Then it will really turn out to keep a healthy soul in a child. It is very difficult, but it is infinitely necessary. This is how human spiritual development proceeds.

We must teach the child to see himself as the root cause of our anger, our indignation. And how do we live our own wrong? This is a spiritual question, a matter of conscience. In the simplicity of my heart I will say: “Lord, forgive me!” I'll give my respects.

Of course, it is much easier to ask a child for forgiveness than to suffer from that inner love and that inner repentance that occurs in our hearts.

- And when does adulthood come?

When they leave our house. As long as they live under our roof, they are our children and must obey the rules of the family.

And about washing dishes

My son often does things to appear nice.

- This is a very delicate question. When a child does something in the care of the mother, that is one thing. Taking care of mom is serving mom. Or maybe just showing off your goodness. Then the shade of future vanity is laid. Therefore, when you want to praise, you must say why. "I saw your concern, thank you." Turn to true service. He has it, it is necessary that only this service does not go to the other extreme. Praise for serving you, because serving you is serving God. Repeat - this is the service of God - to serve another.

- How to solve domestic issues?

— Try to understand: obedience is the greatest will. When you do what is best or what you want, this is not will, this is self-will. If mom said that you need to wash the dishes, this is not discussed. This is service. This is the will that will then spread to all human qualities.

- And if he says: I don’t want to wash the dishes!

“He really would say so. Don't say anything, don't get into a debate. Get up to the sink, start washing.

I remember how this lesson affected me so much! I grew up in an orphanage and tried to be a very executive child. Never could refuse help with cleaning. Like a walk - they call me to clean the huge dining room. And I always said to myself: nothing, my hands will not fall off. I have always tried to do everything.

And once, in a summer camp, my beloved teacher asked me to help, and at this time the children were playing Cossack robbers. And I tell her: I then! And the teacher silently takes a basin with towels and silently leaves. My mood immediately deteriorated, I no longer wanted to play. Remembered for a lifetime!

It is necessary to calmly, without anger, start washing the dishes. Without words. And he will be ashamed. I'm not saying that he will immediately run to push you away from the sink, but something will “click” with him there. Your child will “click” for sure.

Thanks for the meeting!

The best parenting is a personal example of an adult. For a boy, ideally, he should be his father and his inner circle - grandfather, brother, teacher, coach ...

However, the reality is that the boy in preschool age, when the foundations of his gender-role behavior are laid, he is not surrounded by men at all. Women work almost everywhere in the field of education, the number of single-parent families has increased, and in complete families, the male father is often only formally present.

Some dads remove themselves from the process of raising a boy, considering it women's business, show lack of initiative, not knowing what to do with the baby. Others are infantile themselves, so they can do little to help in the development of masculine qualities. And it happens that dad would be happy to take up the upbringing of the boy, spend time with his son, teach him something, but workload does not allow, because you need to think about the future of the family.

However, mothers should not lose heart, even if the responsibility for raising their sons lies with them. You just need to properly organize the process of raising a boy from the very beginning, following the 8 “golden” rules:

1. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom!

In order for a mother to bring up masculine qualities in her son, it is sometimes necessary to raise him not in the way that is more convenient for her, easier and calmer. First of all, you need to make sure that the upbringing of the boy shapes his character. And for this, a mother very often has to reconsider her views on life, attitudes, fight her fears, “break” the stereotypes developed over the years.

What picture can be observed more and more often in modern families? In boys, accuracy, caution, diligence are cultivated. And then the mother reaps the fruits of her and her grandmother's "muslin upbringing": growing up, the son cannot fight back the offender, overcome difficulties, does not want to strive for something. And parents do not understand where this weakness of will came from in their child.

However, it is these qualities early childhood they invest in the boy with the words “Don’t run - you will fall”, “Don’t climb, it’s dangerous there”, “Don’t do it - you will get hurt”, “Don’t touch it, I myself” and other “don’t ...”. Will initiative and responsibility be formed with such an upbringing of a boy?

Of course, mother and grandmother can be partly understood, especially when the child is the only and long-awaited. They are afraid that something might happen to the baby. However, selfish considerations are hidden behind these fears. A flexible child is much more convenient, you don’t have to adapt to him. It is much easier to feed a two-year-old child herself than to watch him spread porridge on a plate. It's faster to dress a four-year-old by herself than to wait while he fiddles with buttons and laces. It’s calmer when the son walks beside him and holds his hand, rather than running around the playground, trying to get lost from sight. When we indulge our impulses, we do not think about the consequences.

Such upbringing of a boy distorts the very nature of men, responding to the mental and physical health of boys. They have fears, sometimes turning into somatic problems (stuttering, nervous tics, allergies, breathing problems, frequent illnesses), low self-esteem is formed, problems develop in communicating with other children. The opposite situation often arises: a boy can begin to “defend” himself from the pressure of parental care with aggressive behavior, thus expressing childish disobedience.

Of course, getting rid of habits is not easy, but you need to understand that a child without the help of parents will not become the way we would like. To do this, he needs the help of adults and certain conditions. Do not limit the freedom of movement of the baby on a walk, do not take away from small "dangers" (a conflict in the sandbox with a peer, climbing over a low fence, etc.), but help to overcome difficulties, cheer.

2. Raising a boy. The child should have a role model

Regardless of whether the boy is raised by a single mother or he grows up in a complete family, you need to try to make sure that the image of a man, and quite attractive for boyish perception, is present in the life of the family.

Until the baby has grown up, he is quite satisfied that his mother spends most of his time with him, but after 3 years, when the child is separated from the mother both physically and personally, the boy begins to show more and more interest in men: dad, uncle , grandfather. And by the age of 6, it becomes extremely necessary for him to spend time with adult men, imitating them and imitating their behavior. And here the mother should make sure that her son has someone to communicate with.

Joint leisure with his father helps the boy to decide in life, to understand who he is. After all, only through communication with the father and other men the child masters the norms of male behavior, forms his own opinion. And the sooner dad starts raising his son, the sooner he will form a male stereotype of behavior.

But what if dad is not around? In this case, the mother needs to find among relatives or friends a person who could at least from time to time appear in the boy's life. For example, you can take the baby to the grandfather for the weekend and leave them soldering, planing and crafting together. And when the baby grows up, you should find him a sports section or circle, the leader of which is a man who really loves his job.

In addition, the image of a real man for your boy can be found not only among real people. For this purpose, imaginary characters are quite suitable. It is enough to find a book character that the son would like to look up to, hang a photo of a brave grandfather on the wall, talk about their ancestors and their courageous deeds. In other words, it is necessary to create for the son a microclimate conducive to his male development.

3. You can only raise a real man in a stable atmosphere.

First of all, a boy (however, like a girl) needs love and harmony in the family. A father should not be afraid to show tenderness to his son. With such things, he will not spoil the child, but will form his basic trust in the world and confidence in his loved ones. To love means to be indifferent to the problems and feelings of a child, to see a personality in him. A boy brought up sensitively and consistently grows up open, calm, self-confident, capable of sympathy, the manifestation of emotions.

4. Teach your boy to express his feelings freely.

It is important that the family does not have a ban on the expression of feelings. Crying is a natural manifestation of stress. So do not follow the stereotypes and scold the boy for tears. It’s just worth treating them as a signal that the child is ill, and not suppressing his emotions, but teaching him to express them, if possible, in a different way.

5. Admit your mistakes openly

How to raise a real man? Of course, by personal example, to show that you should always be responsible for your words. Moms and dads should be critical of themselves. If necessary, admit they were wrong and ask for forgiveness from their son, by doing this they will only strengthen their authority, showing justice.

6. Build empathy in your child

Cultivate moral qualities in the boy. Being still a preschooler, he can understand and do a lot, starting with helping his mother around the house and ending with respect for the elderly in transport. Such behavior should be "served" as the norm. To clean up the dishes, make the bed, give way to the grandmother on the bus - this is normal for the future man.

7. Raising a boy, encourage independence in him.

Great attention in the development of the boy should be given to his independence. Let him sometimes feel his significance and freedom. In the future, this will help him to become happy and successful, to maximize his potential. Boys tend to strive for self-assertion and leadership. This is very important for them further development. Therefore, it is necessary to encourage the son's desire to make his own choice, to think independently, to remind him that he is responsible for his actions.

8. Take your child to sports sections

Children need physical activity for full physical development. While the child is small, you need to walk with him more, let him run, jump, fall, climb, explore the world under the strict guidance of his parents. Later, time should be set aside in the son’s weekly schedule for the sports section, where he could improve his physical abilities and feel strong, dexterous, self-confident.

We agree in advance

Moms should take note of one "secret" in the contact between dad and child. Fathers are often afraid to stay with the baby for a long time because they feel insecure. Therefore, make dad's leisure time with the child as specific as possible.

For example, say, “Tomorrow I will be away on business for a couple of hours. Let's figure out what you could do with the baby. Or: “On Saturday, you will finally be able to build the hut that our boy has long dreamed of.” So you give the man a chance to mentally prepare for communication with the little one.

P.S. When communicating with a child, moms and dads should not be afraid to be funny, awkward or unsuccessful. Children, as you know, forgive their parents everything except falsehood and indifference.

star parents

Dmitry Dyuzhev and Vanya (5 years old)

“The best method of raising a boy is love, I squeeze my son endlessly and kiss! My wife and I are cultivating self-sufficiency in Van, we want him not only to be calm and self-confident, but also to love people himself. And of course, don't overdo it. Let him spoil the carpets, if necessary, let him crawl into the ink, let the sand try - there is no need to ban it.

Alisa Grebenshchikova and Alyosha (5 years old)

Alyosha grows up in big family where everyone has a role to play. He sees how women behave, what they do. Our grandmother is responsible for comfort. With grandfathers he has manly games. We somehow went to the store with my son, and I suggested that he choose any toy. Alyosha opted for a chainsaw. He was 4 years old. “I will cut wood,” said the son. The fact is that he saw how grandfather does this in the country, who also removes the leaves and cleans the snow. Alyosha understands that all this is part of men's duties.

Already at the stage of pregnancy, knowing that the long-awaited son will soon be born, every woman thinks about being a real man. It would seem that there is nothing complicated about this - according to the prevailing stereotypes, for the correct growth and formation of knowledge, the boy needs the attention of his father. And not just attention, but the direct participation of the parent in the life of the child. Modern psychology has debunked the myth that only in a complete family is it possible to grow a real and strong man- he is able to be raised by both a married woman and a single mother.

Birth

When a baby is born, he needs all the love and care of his mother. Until a conscious age, according to research, a child does not distinguish between people by gender, but by the first year of life, he can easily determine where his mother, father, sister, uncle or other relatives, acquaintances are. From the very moment of birth, a boy needs more warmth and affection than a newborn girl, as small representatives strong half humanity are more vulnerable physically and psychologically. There is no need to limit communication with the baby - even at such a young age, the child feels an attitude towards himself. Rocking a crying son in your arms, you should talk to him, reminding him that he is a man, he is strong and brave.

growing up

When a boy turns three years old, communication with males becomes a necessity for him, and it doesn’t matter who it will be: dad, girlfriend’s husband or grandfather. For him, the main thing at this age is to comprehend and adopt all male behavioral qualities and habits. In is, present on this stage his development advises not to force the child to do something at the request of the parents, against his will. This is fraught with the emergence of misunderstandings in the family, as well as the manifestation of personal complexes in the baby at a more mature age.

From boy to man

The child, getting older and taking as a basis the behavior of the representatives of the stronger sex around him since childhood, builds communication with peers and relatives. The boy's attitude towards women is formed thanks to his mother - it is she who is the personification of femininity, beauty and domestic warmth. Looking at his mother, the baby on a subconscious level remembers her traits, both external and character, which in the future will be reflected in his preferences in choosing a life partner.

Can a mother raise her son on her own?

Many women, in an attempt to give their father and their care, often sacrifice themselves. At the same time, each of them finds excuses for their actions: "So what if the husband beats me / does not work / drinks / cheats, but the boy has a father. To grow a man out of him, he needs fatherly care." Often such "concern" manifests itself in the form of constant poking and prodding, since in case of disrespect for a woman one can hardly expect strong paternal feelings from a husband. Men of this kind in no way, except, of course, the conception itself, will not participate in the upbringing of the baby, all worries about him will lie entirely on the shoulders of women.

As a result, after long and painful attempts to correct the "careless dad" and a vain search for a compromise, the family breaks up. This pushes a woman with a young son to look for a new dad for the baby. Sometimes everything repeats itself in a circle, and in other cases, only a few find a good family man and father. You should not think that, having parted with her husband, a single mother will not be able to properly raise a boy - this is within the power of any adequate and loving mother. To do this, you must be guided by a few simple rules of communication with the child.

From the moment of awareness of the world around, the mother must develop in her son responsibility for herself, her words and deeds. Over time, the boy will begin to understand that the promise must be kept, and mistakes corrected. The child should be explained only in a calm, affectionate tone, without scandals and tantrums. It is important to remember that the baby must be constantly given the right to choose - this is the only way he will feel independent.

There is another important aspect in how to raise a boy as a real man: the son must feel his importance. But there is no need to cultivate egocentrism in him - such a person will grow up as a "narcissist", and his further adaptation in adult life will be much more difficult. Significance is not instilled on the scale of the universe (I am everything for this world), but only in relation to the mother. For example, when boarding public transport, a mother can ask her son to help her, or during a walk she turns to him with the words: “Take my hand, if I fall, and you will hold me.”

Any mother must understand that communicating with males to a child is vital in order to become a successful and confident man. She is obliged to allow her son to see his father (if any), to spend time with him. At the same time, she should constantly be aware of all the events taking place in his life, talk to him about it and help solve problems. How to raise a son to be a real man? Become his friend, best and closest. With a lack male attention the boy, of course, after agreeing with him, must be enrolled in any sports section - sport disciplines, helps the child adapt in society.

Parenting Common Mistakes

1. An excess of love at a conscious age provokes an incorrect perception of the world around the child. Undoubtedly, it is possible and necessary to love and protect your child, but there must be a measure in everything. Mothers should prepare themselves in advance for the moment when the son grows up and starts a family. Some women are especially sensitive to the departure of a child from the parental home, they simply cannot come to terms with the fact that their adored son is now without a mother.
2. Cruel attitude, pressure from parents never helped to raise a strong and courageous man. From families who believe that screaming and assault, as well as the lack of the right to choose, are the norm, there are downtrodden, shy and at the same time embittered guys who have low self-esteem and disrespect for women in their luggage. It is worth remembering that our children are a reflection of the "weather in the house" and the behavior of their parents.
3. The lack of attention from both mother and father makes the future man withdraw into himself. Growing up, such boys become alienated, many of them, in order to make their parents notice themselves, contact bad companies, start drinking alcohol, drugs, and acquire various bad habits.

Future man: education in a complete family

Some mothers make one very big mistake - worrying about the health and safety of the newborn baby, they do not allow the father to fully enjoy communication with him. It is the very first moment of the meeting between father and son that is the key to raising a boy to be a real man. If the wife refuses her husband's desire to help with the baby several times, then the future healthy communication of the father with the son may come to naught.

Mom and dad

Mothers should leave the child with her husband more often, encourage them to spend time together - organize various trips for their men, send them on fishing trips. In any conflict situations, the mother must remain neutral, but at the same time do not forget to talk with the baby about his misdeeds.

How can a father raise a boy to be a real man? To do this, you need to be an example to him in everything, starting with the attitude towards his wife and ending with his position in society. The child intuitively feels whether his father loves his mother, whether he respects her. Even if both parents with their son are trying to create an image of an ideal family, and behind closed doors they constantly sort things out quietly, it will be difficult to raise a real, mentally healthy member of society from a boy.

Books are the best helpers in the educational process

Many parents are looking for the answer to the question, a real man. The book, containing good old fairy tales, helps to tell the child in detail about the role he occupies in life. Knights, heroes, princes, possessing remarkable strength, are always ready to help the weaker sex - beauties enchanted by evil wizards.

The distribution of roles in each fairy tale makes it possible to explain to a little boy in an accessible way that men are strong, heroic and selfless people. Thanks to fairy tales, an ideal image is formed in the subconscious of the child, to which he wants to strive.

1. Teach your child the rules of etiquette. It doesn’t matter at what age to start, the main thing is that from an early age he understands how to talk with elders, why women need help, and how important the words he utters are.
2. Explain to your son that all his emotions: fear, embarrassment, joy, sadness and sadness can and should be expressed in words.
3. Teach your baby to order, let him help you around the house.
4. Organize reading evenings, read good life stories and fairy tales to your son, share your impressions with him.
5. Teach your child how to play correctly. Supporting him in his failures, tell the boy that one defeat is not a reason to give up and abandon the goal.
6. Show him that showing affection is not weakness.
7. Let your child help you and those around you. Let it be, don't force it.
8. Encourage frequent communication between father and son.

1. Throughout the pregnancy, support your spouse, talk with the baby growing under her heart. After his birth, try to spend as much time as possible with him. It is at this stage that you will begin to understand how to raise a real man from a boy, using only your skills and love for the child.
2. Find free time, try to be at home as long as possible - endless business trips and irregular working hours take away your precious childhood spent with dad from your baby.
3. Show your emotions more often. Love, laughter and tears associated with your son are not considered weakness. Looking at you, the boy will understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of.
4. Be disciplined, set a daily routine for the child. How can he grow up to be a successful man? Make his day useful, help him solve the tasks. Gently, without assault, establish the norms of discipline, while calmly and firmly insisting on respect for yourself and your mother.
5. Learn to have fun with your son. Joint leisure should bring joy to both the child and you.

Parents will have to work hard. This is not an easy task, it requires a lot of love, patience and knowledge. But this is the main responsibility of all parents! Most simply do not know how to raise their sons so that they grow up to be successful independent men.

The question of how to raise sons, parents need to start to decide with themselves. A child from a very early age remembers such a speech, which is spoken by his close people. The baby absorbs everything like a sponge, even when he himself still does not know how to talk. But the speech he has learned correctly will save him subsequently from the need to visit a speech therapist.

Extremely great maternal love for children is already bad! How to raise sons so that they do not turn into complete egoists? Most of all, children need not care, but freedom, and boys in the first place. Let the kids explore the world themselves, take apart toys - this is inevitable. Children are so arranged - they break everything and study what is inside. Therefore, boys should always have educational toys - designers and other things that can be disassembled and assembled as you like. Boys often collect not what the manufacturer intended, they experiment, and this expresses their creativity and search for meaning.

How to raise sons so that they are not afraid of anything?

If the children are afraid of something - all sorts of "babies", ghosts or a neighbor's grandmother, raise their self-esteem and say that even though they are small, they are men. They should not be afraid of anything or anyone, be brave and strong. Let the child feel like a person, an adult, albeit still small.

Responsibilities of the child

Don't treat your son like a foolish child! Like a real man when he grew up and already on the threshold of school? Most of all, children want to become adults as soon as possible! So start treating your child as an equal to yourself, this will only add to his self-confidence.

Be sure as you grow up, you need to introduce the child to household chores. It is not recommended to encourage him with money or gifts. All that the son needs to hear for the homework done is just words of gratitude. This is one of his first duties, and let him get used from childhood to the fact that someday he will create his own family, which will need to be taken care of. This helps in deciding how to raise a son as a man. You should definitely be proud of your child's achievements and support everything starting from it: be it drawing, modeling, singing or sports.

TV in children's lives

Do not let your child sit in front of the TV for hours watching foreign films. From an early age, control the programs your baby watches. Choose instructive, kind and fabulous cartoons. After that, be sure to take the time to discuss what you liked, who the protagonist and why he did it that way. Condemn the negative actions of the characters, praise the good ones and make sure your son understands what actions and why are bad and what is

Physical education

How to raise a son to be a real man through sports from an early age? You should start doing morning exercises, preferably together. Taking care of your own body and keeping it clean is a very important duty of every person. Buy dumbbells for your child, taking into account his physical data. Weight should be added with age. Physical exercises will certainly develop the boy's muscles, make the body strong and strong and create the correct male trapezoid shape, which the girls will later really like. It is recommended to give the child to some sports sections, such as martial arts - this will definitely come in handy in life for self-defense. In addition to excellent physical hardening, this sport also develops a person's worldview.

Attitude towards the opposite sex

How can a mother raise her son so that he respects and loves girls? You should tell him that all girls are future mothers and wives, so they need to be taken care of, protected and loved. It is recommended to instill an understanding of family values ​​from an early age. The boy must grow up in the understanding that he is a protector and helper. Explain to your son that it is strictly forbidden to hit girls, even if they are bullies. Let him learn not to participate in quarrels with girls, but rather step aside or let off steam with the help of physical exercises.

Learn to be a good friend

How to raise a man and a great friend from your son? It is necessary to encourage communication with more spiritually strong and successful guys, to set them as an example. It is necessary to instill from childhood the idea that true male friendship should be valued. A son must respect his friends from an early age and never leave them in trouble.

What else should you pay attention to?

Teach your son to order, teach not to scatter clothes, put personal belongings and toys in their places. For the efforts shown in maintaining order, be sure to praise. Let him join this kind of labor for himself and his family. For the mess in his room, you can be punished.

How to raise a son to be a real man? Worth the effort. Nobody says it's easy. Specify a suitable daily routine and strictly adhere to it: what time to get up and go to bed, where to go, when to rest. Allow concessions only on weekends and when the baby is sick. But if you forbid something, do not behave yourself, otherwise he may then refer to you.

Teach the boy to navigate in your city, among the houses in your area - this will help him when he is alone on the street. Teach your child to navigate nature. Find time, go with him into the forest and explain what signs you need to pay attention to so as not to get lost and find your way home. Let the boy show independence and make decisions, you just need to follow the course of his actions and help if necessary.

Be sure to talk to your son about the family budget. A child from childhood must learn that not everything is allowed, whatever he pleases. The boy should be told what income the family budget is formed from, how much is required per month for food, how much is set aside for large purchases, for entertainment. He has the right to know his share of the costs in the total budget. Encourage independence in him in the desire to earn his pocket money.

Why does a boy need a father?

You also need to know how to raise a son, a father. It’s great if dad tells his son about the heroism of his family’s ancestors and explains what and to whom people owe their birth, what our grandfathers fought for.

A father must certainly encourage the independence of his child, accustom him to the idea that a boy should be able to live with dignity in this complex world. The child must be prepared for any unexpected shocks. Even at preschool age, a boy should know who he is, his first and last name, when he was born, where he lives, and the address details of his closest relatives, such as grandparents. Be sure to remember full names their parents and phone numbers. Know where and by whom parents work, how to get to their place of work on their own. It is recommended to teach the child how to behave in an unfamiliar place and in cases where he suddenly gets lost. The actions of parents and son must be clearly coordinated.

From his mother, the boy learns to pity and sympathize with other people, to perceive the world around him as a safe place. From her, the baby receives love, care and affection. A mother intuitively knows how to raise a good son. In the society of the pope, the boy begins to realize his belonging to the male sex and acquires the necessary skills. Looking at his father, the son learns to obey and command, to achieve his goal, to take care of others, to be responsible. Of course, the father needs to show this with concrete actions, then the boy will acquire personality traits that he would like to see later in an adult man. Without a dad, it is difficult for a baby to learn male norms of behavior. Adult men who were raised by a single mother are sometimes passive and lack of initiative or too conflicting. Living in their family, taking care of it, making friends with other men is more difficult for them than for those guys who were brought up in a complete family.

If mom is alone

How to raise a son as a man if there is no father? Unfortunately, this situation is not uncommon. If everything is done with love and competently, then the mother will definitely cope! It is undesirable to address the boy with childish appeals. Treat your son like an adult. This instills in him courage and the right character.

How to raise a son alone if the baby does not have an example to follow before his eyes?

• It is necessary that the boy must sometimes see examples of male behavior. Therefore, try to encourage him to communicate with familiar men: grandfather, uncle, family friend, coach, colleague or neighbor. Let the child spend as much free time with them as possible: go fishing, play football, fiddle with parts in the garage. During these classes, the boy will get acquainted with the world of male interests. For him, this is a necessity.
• So that the boy does not grow up too feminine, you should constantly emphasize the good features of masculine behavior in him. For example, when watching a movie, pay attention to the positive actions of the stronger sex.
• Be sure to note and praise the "male deeds" committed by your son! For example, a child nailed a shelf, fixed something, or helped a neighbor's grandmother carry packages. Try to admire your son loudly: "What a strong man you are! Just a real man!" In response, you will see how the boy will swell with pride.

If the father is present in the life of the child, then their communication should not be limited. Also, do not say angry and offensive words to your son about his dad. And if there is no father, how to raise a son without a father?

It happens that single mothers put an end to their personal lives and devote themselves entirely to raising a baby. They do not go out anywhere, they are not interested in communicating with anyone, they just live in their own closed little world, where only mother and baby are. This should not be allowed! It is necessary to find the strength in yourself to go to the theater, to the pool, to an exhibition or to take up an unusual hobby. Then the child will be interested in communicating with his mother and spending time together.

All psychologists advise: never try to convince your son that he owes everything in this world only to his mother. Boys with such an upbringing usually either marry too late, or do not start their own family at all, since they have been "programmed" from childhood that they do not need anyone except their mother.

Of course, it is quite difficult for single mothers to find a middle ground in raising their beloved little boy. I want not to spoil my son too much and at the same time not to move away from him. Be sure to try to become a friend for your child who is sincerely interested in his problems and successes, all the events in his life.

It is necessary to remember the most important thing: a child, first of all, needs the love and care of his closest people. He must be sure: even if everyone turns away from him, there will still be one person on Earth who will accept him for who he is - this is his mother!