Emotional intelligence is the key to successfully interacting with others. You have a rich emotional vocabulary. Am I adequate in assessing my capabilities

20.07.2022

Hi, Pavel Yamb is back in touch!

Emotions not only make us laugh, grieve, worry and fall in love.

Real success in everything related to career and personal life depends on them. Think it's not? Then why do people with high IQs often fail to achieve great success? This is what scientists have been thinking about. Therefore, along with ordinary intelligence, psychologists have identified such a thing as the level of emotional intelligence.

A bit of theory

Emotional intelligence is responsible for:

self-understanding and self-expression;
awareness of their emotions;
empathy
relationships with other people;
an adequate assessment of reality;
control and flexibility of emotions.

A high level of emotional intelligence means that a person:

adequately evaluates himself, his capabilities and weaknesses, accepts himself as such and knows how to effectively use what is given to him by nature;
understands the cause of certain emotions;
recognizes and takes into account the feelings of others;
understands and considers the feelings and needs of others;
accepts and understands conditions arising from objective reality;
manages his emotions, quickly and efficiently finding the best solution to the situation.

Will such a person be stress resistant? Yes.

Will others appreciate and respect him? Undoubtedly.

So it's no surprise that the Emotional Intelligence Test is becoming more and more popular in job applications.

You can test yourself and go through it yourself, for yourself.

Of course, you can and should develop this side of your personality, even if initially you were given not so many points in the test. The result is just an indicator of what needs to be worked on.

Working on myself

Professional coaching coach Muriel Wilkins noted this paradoxical moment: the lower the level of emotional intelligence in a person, the less he is aware of this and the more he sees his absence from others.

None of us are perfect. However, if there are any interpersonal problems, then it should be remembered: the participation and guilt of everyone in the problems is at least 50%. So when you're done blaming the other, think about what you've contributed to the relationship as well.

Where to begin?

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It's best to start with yourself. Three wonderful exercises will teach you to observe and recognize your emotions and the emotions of others.

Not used to watching emotions? And this should become a habit. Try to ask yourself questions several times a day: “how do I feel now?” and "why do I feel this way?"

If you have a source of strong negative emotions in your life, then you should stop deceiving and justifying yourself, take a clear look at your emotions and understand what drives them. If you are angry at a relative who does not give you as much attention as you think you deserve, then think about what worries you so much in this situation: maybe the fear of loneliness? And instead of accusations, it’s better to honestly say: “I am upset and I need support.”

Behind every emotion, especially negative, there is some kind of pain. But it is not a shame to feel it, although we were often taught the opposite in childhood. If we do not turn to our emotions, we may never understand what drives us in a given situation. You may need to enlist the help of a psychologist or a friend to help you deal with something that is difficult to see for yourself.

Observation of the surroundings. We are lucky: there are so many people around whose behavior you can watch forever. Here is a man answering “yes” with a very sour expression on his face - why? And here someone is loudly indignant at a rather ordinary request - is it really she who angered him so much? There, the girl chuckles skeptically at the compliment - what drives her?

Pay attention to how people react to some typical situations. Try to see more: what leads to this or that reaction? Imagine how a cheerful, sad, tired, irritated, inspired person would react in such a situation?

Observe yourself: how do you yourself react to what is happening in your life? First of all, do you blame someone or something else for the problems, or are you looking for the cause in yourself? And success is a merit only of you or not? Blaming someone else for the failures is just as unconstructive as denying yourself the recognition of your own merits. Of course, if you are not going to take all the laurels from the collective work only for yourself.

Sharpening communication skills

Now that we have a little understanding of the inner world and observed others, it's time to increase the level of emotional intelligence in interaction with other people.

Talk to people close to you and those around you about their emotions. Are you sure you know how they feel? Try to ask - just be prepared to hear what you could not even think of. Another way: to tell the first one about how you feel in this or that situation. Better not to talk about something serious - sometimes we really are not ready for some kind of frankness.
After you have become acquainted with the emotional world of others, it is worth moving on to more constructive methods of interaction. Now it's time to touch on the relationship to you personally: how people feel when they interact with you. Ask and try not to immediately make excuses for what you hear. And even more so, do not rush to refute and blame, since this will not lead to a solution. Sometimes the problem is not what you do, but how you do it.
The less developed a person's emotional intelligence, the less he attaches importance to the selection of the right words, and even more so, he does not care about the intonation with which he says this or that. Since he puts one meaning into the message, others may hear a completely different one:

Of course, it is impossible to take into account the individual feelings of everyone. But if you often encounter harsh responses from others, then your messages give them somewhat different information than you actually want to communicate.

The good news is that high emotional intelligence does not mean that all reflex responses are correct. It is the ability to make the right choice in any situation.

To do it, you should stop in time, not sending the relationship into the old vicious circle.

The old, proven way to find mutual understanding is to put yourself in the place of another. Look at yourself through someone else's eyes: what would you say to such a remark, suggestion, phrase? Would you like such a person?

Of course, do not forget about your desires and needs. They just need to be dressed in a different form, saying that you hear and understand the desires of the other side, now you just need to find something that will suit both you and the other person.

Such a simple technique can come to the rescue in the development of emotional intelligence. And after that, I think, all communication problems will be solved. And if not, watch an interesting lecture by Vadim Levkin.

See you!

When the world first learned about emotional intelligence (EQ), this discovery was the missing link in a slew of studies: people with average IQs outperformed people with high IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly raised serious questions about the concepts that made IQ the main source of success.

Dozens of studies have shown that emotional intelligence is the critical factor that sets the best employees apart from the rest. This relationship is so strong that 90 percent of top performers have high emotional intelligence scores.

“There is no doubt that emotional intelligence is a rarer skill than book intelligence, but my personal experience is that this skill is much more important on the path to becoming a leader. You just can't get past him." - Jack Welch

Emotional intelligence is something intangible that exists in each of us. It influences how we manage our behavior, how we navigate complex social relationships, and how we make personal decisions to achieve positive outcomes.

As important as emotional intelligence is, its elusive nature makes it very difficult to understand your personal EQ and how you could improve it. You can always take a scientifically validated test like the one that comes with Emotional Intelligence 2.0.

Unfortunately, quality (scientifically validated) EQ tests are not free. So I analyzed TalentSmart's data from a study of over a million people to determine which behaviors are indicative of low emotional intelligence. And these behaviors you should eliminate from your repertoire immediately.

1. You get stressed easily.

As you accumulate your feelings, they quickly build up into a dense sense of tension, stress, and despair. Unrealized emotions burden the mind and body. Your emotional intelligence skills help you avoid stressful situations by noticing them in time and trying not to push conflicts to the limit.

People who do not know how to use their emotional intelligence tend to be unable to manage their own moods. They are twice as likely to experience despair, depression, use drugs and alcohol, and even think about suicide.

2. You are having trouble asserting yourself.

People with a high level of emotional intelligence are able to find a balance between good manners, empathy, kindness, and the ability to assert themselves and set boundaries. This tactical combination is the perfect way to deal with conflict. When confronted, most people take a passive or aggressive stance. Emotionally intelligent people maintain balance and control by filtering their emotional reactions. This allows them to neutralize difficult and toxic people without making them enemies of their own.

3. You have a limited emotional vocabulary

All people experience emotions, but only a few can clearly describe exactly what they feel. Our research has shown that only 35 percent of people can do this, which is extremely critical, because unvoiced emotions often lead to misunderstandings, which in turn lead to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high emotional intelligence manage their emotions because they understand them and they use a wide vocabulary to describe their feelings. While many people describe their condition simply as "bad," people with high emotional intelligence may indicate that they feel "annoyed," "frustrated," "depressed," or "worried." The more specific the word you can choose, the better you will communicate what you are experiencing at the moment, what caused it and how you can deal with it.

4. You make quick guesses and defend hard.

People with a lack of emotional intelligence quickly build their own opinions and succumb to the onslaught of prejudices, because of which they pay attention only to the evidence that supports their point of view, and all other facts are ignored. Most of the time, they argue ad nauseam in order to get others to support their point of view. This type of thinking is especially dangerous for leaders when their rash ideas become a strategy for the whole team. Emotionally intelligent people take a long time to think about their thoughts because they know that their initial opinion may have been caused by emotions. They give themselves time to reflect, to carefully work out the idea and determine its possible consequences. Then they communicate their ideas in another most effective way, paying attention to the opinions of others.

5. You hold grudges

Negative emotions that go hand in hand with resentment are, in fact, a reaction to stress. Just thinking about these situations puts your body into fight-or-flight mode, an ancient survival mechanism that gives you a choice: stand up and fight or run far into the mountains to avoid problems. When a threat is looming, this reaction is incredibly important to your survival, but when the threat becomes a moment of the past, resentment can devastate your body and cause negative consequences for your health in the future. Emory University researchers have shown that persisting stress leads to high blood pressure and heart problems. Holding grudges means you keep stressing, so emotionally intelligent people try to avoid it at all costs. Letting go of resentment not only makes you feel better, it also improves your health.

6. You don't let go of your mistakes.

Emotionally intelligent people keep a distance between themselves and their mistakes, but do not forget about them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance to be recalled when needed, they retain the ability to adapt and improve for future success. This skill requires a high level of self-awareness to walk the tightrope between looping and remembering. Too long dwelling on your own mistakes makes you anxious and shy, but forgetting your mistakes means you risk repeating them. The secret to maintaining balance lies in your ability to turn failure into an opportunity for improvement. This sets the stage for getting back on track every time you experience a failure.

7. You often feel misunderstood

When you lack emotional intelligence, it is difficult for you to determine how other people understand you. You feel misunderstood because you don't deliver your message in a way that people can understand. Even with a lot of practice, emotionally intelligent people know that they don't always communicate their ideas perfectly. They track when people don't understand their ideas, improve their approach, and then explain their ideas in a more understandable way.

8. You don't know about your own triggers.

Each person has their own "triggers" - situations and people that make them behave impulsively. Emotionally intelligent people learn their triggers and use that knowledge to bypass situations and people so they don't snap.

9. You don't get angry

Emotional intelligence doesn't mean you always have to be nice; he says that you need to manage your own emotions in order to achieve the best results. Sometimes this requires showing people that you are upset, sad or disappointed. Constantly hiding your emotions behind a mask of happiness and positivity is not a smart or productive choice. People with developed emotional intelligence show their negative and positive emotions, focusing on the situations in which they find themselves.

10. You blame other people for how you feel.

The source of emotions is inside the person. There is a huge temptation to blame other people for your bad mood, but it is you who must take responsibility for your emotions. No one can force you to experience what you yourself do not want. A different opinion only pulls you to the bottom.

11. You are easily offended.

If you have a clear understanding of who you are, it is quite difficult for other people to do or say something to piss you off. People with developed emotional intelligence are self-confident and open to the world, which creates a rather strong protective layer. YOU can even laugh at yourself or let other people laugh at you, because in your own head you can draw a line between humor and degradation.

Summing up

Unlike IQ, your emotional intelligence is quite malleable. By constantly practicing new emotional behaviors, your brain builds the pathways needed to make those behaviors a habit. Along with the constant use of these new behaviors, your brain is destroying connections to old behaviors. Before long, you will begin to respond to others using your emotional intelligence without even noticing it.

Travis Bradberry, entrepreneur.com. Translation: Artemy Kaidash

Psychology: personality and business

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability of a person to recognize the emotional state, intentions of other people, their desires, needs, manage their and their own emotions, and use it for their own needs. The concept appeared as a result of the fact that classical systems for testing the level of intelligence are unable to determine the success of a person in a particular field of activity (in a career). The explanation for the phenomenon was that not all people are able to effectively interact with customers.

Why is it easier for some to talk to people and work in areas where constant interaction with a person is necessary, while it is easier for others to work in niches where clients will not disturb him? It's all about low emotional intelligence. The effectiveness of communication with customers is tied to emotions, and the generally accepted concept of intelligence does not include the ability to work with emotions.

What is the difference between IQ and EQ

IQ is a general measure of the logical, thinking, intellectual and analytical abilities of an individual. This includes verbal, three-dimensional, mathematical, logical, visual skills, the ability to develop new knowledge based on those obtained in the process of thinking and practical activities, analysis and comparison. Thanks to IQ, people are able to determine the processes taking place around them, learn, evaluate events and phenomena, focus on something, understand with understanding any information coming from the outside world, and solve upcoming problems using the skills and knowledge already acquired. and experience.

Everyone knows that an increased level of IQ does not always have a positive effect on a career, personal life and relationships with others. It's all about emotional intelligence. Its low level does not allow you to effectively interact with people, successfully recognize and understand their emotions, mentally manage the state of people, thus making your way to the top of the career ladder or personal life.

Emotional intelligence is the ability to perceive emotions, generate them in such a way that they contribute to thinking, understanding the emotions of the interlocutor and managing them for their own purposes. In short, the skill of verbally managing people based on their emotions.

Approximately such a concept arose immediately after the First World War. Edward Thorndike described EQ as the ability to understand people, regardless of their age, gender, mood, and social status, and interact intelligently with them.

The very concept of emotional intelligence arose during the Cold War, and a decade later, in the work of Michael Beldock, the EQ classification appeared, where, in addition to levels, recommendations are given to increase it.

IQ is the coefficient of mental intelligence, and EQ is emotional. Next, we will consider what the level of emotional intelligence depends on, how to determine its indicator.

Ability Model

There are several classifications of EI based on achieving success in most areas of life, which already distorts the assessment. Such models are subject to criticism due to the free addition of components to them, one way or another affecting success in life. Consider the model most used and accepted by the scientific community. It includes four main components:

understanding of emotions - the ability to determine the source of an emotion, find a connection between thoughts, desires and mental state, determine the moment of transition between emotions, predict the development of an emotion in the near future and understand complex feelings;
perception of emotions - allows you to determine your own and other people's emotions, the reason for their appearance;
using emotions to motivate the thought process;
management of the emotional component of the psyche - the ability to tame, evoke and suppress one's own emotions to obtain the desired result.

EQ levels

There are several ways to measure the emotional intelligence quotient. Let's take a look at the most common scheme.

A low level of emotional intelligence is assigned to people based on the following criteria:

low self-esteem;
overwhelmed by one's own emotional state;
often depressive states;
low level of self-control and awareness of one's own emotional state;
weak influence and control of the situation (events affect a person, not he affects them);
inability or low ability to recognize the emotions and feelings of others;
stubbornness in any situation;
strong emotional reactions (rudeness, insults);
prone to conflict situations.

The average level of emotional intelligence is characterized by the following indicators:

a clear sign is a positive assessment of one's own position in society;
high self-esteem and level of self-control in terms of emotional state;
ease of communication with people without the application of strong-willed efforts.

The average level of emotional intelligence speaks of a person as a successful careerist.

High emotional intelligence is assessed by a number of the following qualities, which were named by the surveyed US multimillionaires:

complete harmony with the environment;
an individually developed system of values that actually does not harm others;
skills to change opinions if they turn out to be erroneous, and admit their mistakes;
resistance to stress;
the desire to develop and help others in this;
lack of fear to take responsibility for your team;
honesty to people.

Definition

If you are wondering how to measure emotional intelligence, then you will be disappointed. There are a lot of methods for measuring EQ, and they vary greatly, both in the result and in positive and negative aspects. And even passing a dozen tests (for example, Goleman), which are full on the Internet, does not guarantee a real result.

Ability Development

If, using tests that help determine emotional intelligence and your own observations, it turned out that its level is lower than you would like, it's time to resort to a technique that allows you to increase EQ.

There are a lot of such concepts, they are intended for a different circle of people, taking into account their individuality. The choice of methodology is the topic of an entire book, but for any person, a few useful tips will do, no matter who they are and what they do.

Listen to your body, especially in moments of intense passion.
Engage in emotional introspection, which will allow you to improve and better control emotions.
Be positive about any changes - everything is done for the better.
Be creative in any task.
Watch the reactions of others towards you.
First listen, and then speak, thinking and weighing everything.

Consider the results obtained by the methods presented above.

According to a study conducted with students using the method of N. Hall, the results were summarized, entered into a table and distributed on six scales of emotional intelligence development: general emotional intelligence (EQ), emotional awareness, managing one's emotions, empathy, self-motivation, managing the emotions of others people (table 1).

Table 1 The level of development of the emotional intelligence of the subjects (according to the method of N. Hall)

Analysis of the data on the scale of general emotional intelligence showed that 7.14% of students had a high level of emotional intelligence. The results obtained indicate that the respondents are well aware of both their own emotional reactions and the emotions of the people around them. They truly understand themselves on an intuitive and bodily level, which allows them to easily adapt to any life situation. Relationships with people are meaningful, they use their emotions in order to better understand themselves and the world around them.

42.85% of respondents showed an average level of emotional intelligence, which indicates a fairly good understanding of the emotions of others, they successfully manage their emotions, but they can do it better. You need to work on the manifestation of emotions, pay attention to their physical symptoms, look for the cause.

Half of the respondents had a low level of emotional intelligence. This indicates that students of this category are not able to understand the nature of the emotions they experience, are not able to control them. They have low self-motivation, i.е. low ability to control their behavior by controlling their emotions. And also the respondents of this group have low empathy, i.e. not the ability to recognize the emotions of other people and manage them.

An analysis of the data on the scale of emotional awareness showed that 14.28% of the subjects had a high level of this parameter, which indicates the ability to understand oneself, the ability to recognize negative feelings when they first arise, to establish their cause and take appropriate measures. The average level (50% of respondents) of emotional awareness indicates the ability to recognize their emotional reactions. Such a person knows how to listen to his emotions, which allows him to be in harmony with himself. 35.72% of the subjects had a low level on the "emotional awareness" scale. Such people do not understand their feelings well, do not listen to them, or pay attention to them when it is too late. Emotions bring only inconvenience, they either suppress them or break down.

Analysis of the results on the scale "management of one's emotions" showed that there were no respondents with a high level of this parameter. 14.28% of respondents belong to the middle level, 85.7% - to the low level. The average level of the parameter indicates the ability of students to manage their emotions, easily calm down after unexpected upsets and, if necessary, evoke positive emotions in themselves. A low level of the parameter indicates the lack of expression of the above abilities.

Analysis of the results on the scales of "empathy" and "management of other people's emotions" showed that there are no respondents with a high level of empathy, the average level is 14.28%, low - 85.72%. The following results were obtained on the scale of control of other people's emotions: a high level is 14.28%, an average level is 35.72%, and a low level is 50% of students.

A high level on the “management of other people’s emotions” scale indicates the respondent’s ability to influence and change the emotional state of the interlocutor, they are considered experts in the experiences of others, people go to them for advice on relations between people, they are able to improve the mood of others.

The average level on the scales of "empathy" and "the ability to manage the emotions of other people" indicates the ability to express one's emotions without hurting the feelings of the interlocutor, the ability to understand and recognize the emotions of others. The ability to influence them, to change. A person knows how to defend his position and convey it to others. At the same time, he takes into account in advance the possibility that they will not agree with him, and this cannot lead him out of emotional balance. A low level on these scales indicates the inability of respondents to tune in to the emotions of others, to catch signs in communication, to recognize the emotions of the interlocutor by facial expressions, and this category of people is also not able to act calmly on the emotions of others and somehow change them.

Analysis of data on the scale of "self-motivation" showed the following results.

14.28% of the respondents showed a high level of this indicator, which indicates that the respondents of this group clearly understand the importance of a positive sense of self, make efforts to implement their life plans, for which they are able to be calm and focused in order to act in accordance with with the needs of life. Half of the respondents showed an average level of self-motivation. This indicates that a person knows how to understand his feelings, emotions, making life more harmonious, rich and interesting. Such a person is able to control his inner feelings, sometimes even suppress them, in cases where they can negatively affect the implementation of life plans. A low level of self-motivation (35.72%) indicates that strongly pronounced emotions sometimes become higher than the mind, which prevents a person from fully realizing himself.

To study the level of anxiety, the J. Taylor technique was carried out (adapted by T.A. Nemchin), which allows determining the personal manifestation of anxiety. An analysis of the data obtained from the study of anxiety revealed the following results: 28.5% of respondents showed an average (with a tendency to high) level of anxiety, which indicates their perception of the world around them, people as a threat, but this condition is not pronounced in them . 71.5% of respondents have an average (with a tendency to low) level of anxiety. They perceive the world around them as friendly to a much greater extent, they do not see a threat from other people in comparison with respondents who are prone to a high level of anxiety. No low-anxiety and high-anxiety respondents were identified.

The results obtained during the implementation of this technique are presented in table 2.

Table 2 Distribution of results according to the level of manifestation of anxiety (J. Taylor)


Tall and very tall	Medium with a tendency to high	Medium with a tendency to low

In order to visually trace the relationship between the level of anxiety and each of the five scales of emotional intelligence, as well as the scale of the general level of emotional intelligence, six histograms were compiled. The histogram contains a Y-axis with three levels of each of the six emotional intelligence parameters: high, medium, low (let's say high 1, medium 0.5, low 0.2); the x-axis refers to the results of the respondents.

Bar Chart #1 Emotional Awareness

Respondents

1 - high level of emotional awareness
0.5 - average level of emotional awareness
0.2 - low level of emotional awareness

Bar Chart #2 Managing Your Emotions

Bar Chart #3 Empathy

Bar chart #4 Self-motivation

Bar Chart #5 Managing Other People's Emotions

Bar Chart #6 Overall Emotional Intelligence

It can be seen from the histograms that the subjects with higher anxiety have medium and low emotional intelligence on all scales (of which 75% of respondents have a low level, 25% have an average level). Respondents with an average level of anxiety with a tendency to low do not have such a dependence, they have both high and low levels of emotional intelligence.

Thus, it can be assumed that the inability of students to recognize and manage their own and others' emotions leads to an increase in the level of anxiety.

To analyze the relationship between variables (emotional intelligence and anxiety), we used the rank correlation method (r - Spearman's test). Correlations were calculated between anxiety and general emotional intelligence, anxiety and scales: emotional awareness, emotion control, empathy, self-motivation, control of other people's emotions. The results are presented in table 3.

Table 3 Analysis of the relationship between emotional intelligence and anxiety (r - Spearman's test)

* - (p. ?0.05), ** - (p? 0.01);

When analyzing the relationship between the ability to manage one's emotions and anxiety, a significant negative correlation was found (-0.625**). This indicates that the lower the coefficient of control over one's emotions, the higher the coefficient of the level of anxiety.

Apparently, this is due to the fact that those subjects who are able to manage and control their emotions act more effectively in critical situations, thereby experiencing anxiety much less often than subjects who do not possess these qualities.

The relationship between emotional awareness, empathy, self-motivation, the ability to manage the emotions of other people, general emotional intelligence and anxiety has not been identified, that is, we can say that the ability to recognize one's emotions, be sensitive to the emotions of others and be able to manage them, as well as the ability to change one's emotions in order to achieve life goals and the personal manifestation of anxiety among students are not interconnected.

1. Am I adequate in assessing my capabilities?

Surely you have met very boring people who sincerely believe that they have a great sense of humor. Or graphomaniacs who claim to be excellent writers or journalists. Or photographers who take pictures that only they like, and the rest simply do not understand the artist ... With a high degree of probability, these are people with a low level of EQ.

A well-developed emotional intelligence assumes that a person is well aware of his strengths and weaknesses, develops virtues and fights against shortcomings that prevent not only him, but also those around him from living.

To be sure to recognize a person with a low level, tell him that he does not understand the feelings of other people. The response will be the statement that he is a better empath than you and everyone around you combined.

Low EQ sign: you often feel that you are not understood and appreciated, that you are not recognized for your merits, that you are criticized unfairly, that you are not evaluated correctly.

2. Do I criticize a lot?

People with low EQ tend to be very critical of others. The call to understand and forgive is not for them. They get irritated when asked to step in, be condescending, and like to judge and give advice.

Generally, people with low emotional intelligence believe that others are too sensitive (because they don't feel the same way). They can joke beyond the bounds, at the wrong moment, make fun of shortcomings: usually this is done ostensibly for good, in order to open their eyes to the truth. They do not realize that in this way they can make a person worse, increase his pain, make him unhappy.

The reason is simple: people with low EQ do not understand how others feel.

Low EQ sign: if a person reacts painfully to your joke, you conclude that he is too emotional, attaches too much importance to nonsense. If you are asked to display emotions in response, this causes annoyance, irritation, anger.

3. Am I accepting someone else's point of view?

Another feature of the owners of low EQ is the love of controversy and inflexibility. Such people are so sincerely confident that they are right that it is impossible to convince them. They refuse to accept arguments that are different from their point of view, they consider them deliberately false.

Low EQ sign: you often start an argument from scratch (anything can be a reason) and always require the opponent to provide a large number of arguments. A lot of people are involved in the verbal battle: friends, relatives and colleagues. The dispute often becomes emotionally exhausting for all parties.

4. Do I blame others for my mistakes?

The inability to manage your feelings often leads to emotional outbursts. It is easier for a person who has a higher EQ level to avoid them, because he understands what is happening to him and tries.

But the picture is completely different for those who have a low level of EQ. Controlling what you don't understand is very difficult. Therefore, those around them, who have a more developed emotional intelligence, evaluate such outbreaks as inadequacy.

Low EQ sign: you usually blame your inappropriate behavior not on yourself, but on other people or some circumstances. This happens instinctively, because you do not realize that you yourself caused the emotional outburst. You are sure that you had no choice, and others simply do not understand this. Because of this, you feel like a victim, you are offended.

5. Do I hide my true emotions?

A feature of people with a low level of EQ is the inability to cope with situations that cause strong emotions. They try to avoid them. Therefore, they hide their true emotions from others.

Low EQ sign: You find it difficult to maintain friendships and love relationships. You are annoyed by the need to make concessions and seek compromises, to reckon with the opinion of the person next to you. You do not find a feeling of compassion in yourself, it is difficult for you to understand exactly how you can and should support a loved one.

6. Can I put myself in someone else's shoes?

Everything is simple here: since with a low level of emotional intelligence a person does not understand either his own or other people's emotions, he is deprived of empathy. However, in some cases, he may try to empathize (for example, homeless kittens and puppies can touch him). But when it comes to dealing with people, things are different.

Low EQ sign: you never think about what you would feel, what emotions you experienced, being in the place of another person.

A Few More Features of People with Low EQ

They are not interested in people, they do not want to understand what their character is, what is hidden behind their actions.
They experience negative emotions, but often cannot understand their cause.
They are focused on themselves, do not always notice that others need help.
They are afraid of mistakes and do not draw conclusions from them, they come to their senses after a failure, often get hung up on mistakes, and engage in self-flagellation.
They do not trust intuition, they think that it is stupid.
They do not adapt well to new conditions, do not like change.
They do not know how to listen and hear.

In order to determine the level of your emotional intelligence, you can also take a test developed by psychologist Nicholas Hall.

How to develop emotional intelligence

Study yourself. To do this, you need to write down events and what emotions they aroused in you for a certain time (for example, a week). Write about everything: what feelings you woke up in the morning, what you feel when you drink your first cup of coffee, go to work, get a scolding from your boss, meet friends and so on.
Determine how your body reacts to different emotions. Do you feel butterflies in your stomach when you are in love? How do you behave during: do you want to cry or, on the contrary, destroy everything around? What happens when you get tired? What is the aftertaste of strong emotions that you experienced?
Find the connection between emotions and your behavior. For example, if you are annoyed, then transfer the negativity to the one who is nearby. Or, if you are ashamed, you prefer not to communicate with anyone. Analyze this relationship and determine for yourself what you would like to change.
Find your source of positive emotions. It can be a visit to your favorite cafe, delicious coffee, a child's smile, a beautiful view from the window, a walk through the forest. This will be your emergency supply for those times when you need a positive recharge. Be an optimist.
In dealing with other people, be as open and calm as possible. Clearly argue your position, but do not push.
To learn how to accept a different point of view, try to analyze, for example, television debates. Side with one opponent and then the other.
Develop empathy: put yourself in the shoes of others more often, try to imagine what emotions a person is experiencing, how you can help him.
Be interested in other people, their opinion, position. Try to guess their emotions by gestures, facial expressions, voice.
Determine how you act on people. Annoying or happy? Are you nervous or calm? You can ask this question to your loved ones, but don't be discouraged by unpleasant answers. There is always a way to fix it.
Remember: when you begin to understand the patterns of your behavior, it will become easier to control it. You can not succumb to emotions, but consciously decide how to act in this or that case.